Here is some more

Believe it or Not


When John [the Baptist] was preaching the Lord's coming he was asked, "Who are you?" And he replied: "I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness." The voice is John, but the Lord "in the beginning was the Word." John was a voice that lasted only for a time; Christ, the Word in the beginning, is eternal. - Saint Augustine of Hippo (354-430)



I had blogged earlier but it never showed up here. I don't know why. Rest assured I am alive and well and starting back on regular graveyard schedule tonight. I am going back to bed right now. I just wanted to say one thing.

I made it.

This has been a helluva 9 months. I have learned, grown and almost conquered. I think I finally am a supervisor.

And a damn good one.

Keep me in your prayers. St Therese and St Michael the Archangel have come through for me in a big big way - but not as much as all of you.



Thank you, my friends.

Just a short note about the recent ramblings by Nancy Pelosi quoted in the media.

Mrs. Pelosi cites St Augustine of Hippo when she tries to equivicate as to when life begins according to the teachings of the Holy Mother Church. I understand her dilemna more than most as it was once the very thing I struggled with myself. I could hate abortion, but did I have a right to deny a legal abortion to a woman who does not share my faith?



That has long been resolved in my mind. I leave Mrs. Pelosi with this thought: Yes, St Augustine struggled with the idea of when the human soul enters the body. His conclusions were that the human soul enters the body of a MALE child before it enters the body of a FEMALE child.

If he was right about that, Nancy, then your idea that he may have been right with the rest of this thesis is correct.

And somehow, I don't think she would agree with him on this point.







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Sunday, August 3, 2008
11:59:43 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Hot August Nights


Back to work tonight.

Last week was very interesting. I must have grown spiritually while at Franciscan University. I let E tease me and did not over react. Good for me. That is one of my failings, especially when I do not trust someone. It was not difficult to do and it helped her. She needs to be able to give people a bad time once in awhile; I think we all do. Just as it is impossible for me to be wrong 100% of the time it is impossible for her to be an ass 100% of the time.

We had to counsel two employees regarding office gossip. It didn't go as well as I would have liked but they both understand that neither she nor I will allow people to drag others through the mud simply because someone has their nose out of joint about overtime, or because they don't like someone's new job assignment and feel slighted. Tough. If you are upset or angry or feeling blue, take it to your friends OUTSIDE of the office. Do not cause problems in the workplace because you think someone is getting preferential treatment but do not have the guts to make a formal complaint about it.

One clerk responded really well and vowed to do her best to be more cooperative and more of a team player. The other sat there like a stone statue and refused to engage. Oh well. That's life.

We begin a new session of RCIA tomorrow night and I am looking forward to class beginning. I love teaching the Faith, love seeing all those eager faces and knowing that people are genuinely looking for a way to relate to God. But I am going to miss seeing Joe Barratt. He was such an asset. I know now, of course, that he is going to be even more help....he is a much more powerful intercessor now. But I will still miss him.



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Sunday, July 27, 2008
10:24:33 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
LET THE GAMES BEGIN


Tonight I go back to work after 2 weeks of vacation. Oh, woe is me. Yes, yes I know...I know I should be grateful to have a job and blah blah blah. Still, if I am going to be honest then I have to admit that I LOVED being away from the office for the past 14 days. It was wonderful.

Part of the wonderful was attending the Bosco Conference. It truly is a way to feel renewed and re-energized, spiritually and physically, because it is five days with like-minded people. We were all there for one reason; that is to become better at doing what we do, which is teach the Faith. However, there is more to it than just learning. It is a way to connect with my brothers and sisters in Christ, to connect with people who care more about what God wants them to do than what the world wants them to do and it is a way to practice our Faith in a practical, meaningful manner that gives us joy and Him the glory.

I also got to spend five days going to meetings, dropping back into the middle of AA in a way I am not able to do now because of the job and the long commute. It was so much fun. I saw old friends and made new ones and I still talk way too long in meetings so I am glad I am not inflicting myself on them all the time.

Tonight I am going to haul my butt out of bed at half-past midnight, get into the shower, get dressed and have a cuppa joe before heading out the door to my job. My little badge fastened onto my lapel, my Rosary CD in hand, I am ready to try and maintain the level of professionalism I hit on my last day there two weeks ago. Sure, winning the lotto would have been nice but it did not happen...so before I turn in for the night I am going to have one last smoke and then go night night.

I have nothing on the agenda this week except my meeting on Wed night. I love that group. We got a new guy in last week, he was 4 or 5 days sober when he showed up, and our former newest member (who was celebrating over 100 days sober that same night) 12 stepped him with such love and compassion it brought tears to my eyes. To watch God work in our lives....it is amazing.

I do have one more thing to share. At the conference, it was suggested that a prayer to the Holy Spirit to act upon us outside of time and space to heal all the wounds we have had inflicted upon us (and those we caused ourselves) at the moment they occurred be prayed by all of us present. The suggestion was a real gift given to us out of love. I am praying that prayer now for myself, so that I can be a better supervisor, employee, daughter, aunt and spiritual mother. I am also praying that prayer for those in my family, friends of mine and those who see me as the enemy. I see how we drag our pasts around like the proverbial albatross and the dead carcasses stink up the place. Perhaps, a little supernatural love and grace is what we all need.

Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your people. Enkindle in them the fire of Your Love. Heal their hearts and souls, from the moment the wounds appeared, so that we may be of better service to each other, to our country, to the world and to You, Lord.

amen.



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Saturday, July 26, 2008
2:32:09 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Loving in the Face of Hatred


There are moments in life of special importance such as when the Lord shows us the way to be followed and then leaves it up to our will to respond. - Blessed Margarita de Maturana (1884-1934)

Professor PZ Meyer claims on his blog to have descrated a consecrated Host by driving a nail through it. He provides pictures. Comments on his blog are vile and nasty and horrible attacks against the Catholic Church and organized religions of all faith beliefs. He is quite proud of himself for being the 'bearer of reason' against those people who 'worship a g...d....cracker'.

When I first was made aware of Professor Myers behavior and his claims that he has received death threats as a result of his actions, I could not pin point my emotional response. Anger was in there, of course, as was sadness and disbelief. I find it so very sad that in this country that I love, someone would be allowed to freely make a mockery of that which I hold dearer than my own life - The Eucharist - and be able to do so under the guise of free speech. I know that if he had made such a display about people that are of African descent or of other ethnic origins the mainstream media would have villified him. On the other hand, isn't it nice that no one paid him much mind - that he was, essentially, ignored by the national news because what he is doing is so hatefilled and so outside the pale in terms of American sensibility that no one wants to give him the time of day? He has been relegated to the status of those who meet in the basement of homes, put on white sheets and Nazi arm bands, and rail about the horrible state of the world because of the presence of subhuman species.....they are ignored until what they believe infringes upon my rights as an average American. They do not get to prevent me from having access to schools, to medical care, to purchasing necessities for my children because I am an Italian Catholic. If, however, they want to spew hatred and ridiculous ideals in those dark little basements then go ahead, buck-a-roo, have at it. There is no law that prevents you from being an idiot by choice.

I am also very grateful for people like Bill Donahue of the Catholic League that bring the violation of tax-supported universities to the attention of officials. He did so in this case, so that blog links were removed and the University of Minnesota's president was forced to make a statement that disavowed Professor Myers behavior as not being representative of that educational institution's basic mission statement. No one should feel threatened on their campus because they are faithful Catholics who believe 100% in the Real Presence. No one should be forced to endure this man's political and anti-religious tirades in order to take a class necessary for graduation in a specific field. Anyone harmed by this man's behavior should be able to seek redress through the proper channels.

What I needed to do was think through what the proper response to blasphemy is for a Catholic. And the proper response is Love.

As the site Inside Catholic stated, what would happen if 1000 people showed up outside Prof Myers home or classroom and recited the Rosary for his salvation and forgiveness? What would happen if for every nasty, vile and disgusting name he called us we responded with "We love you and pray that you find Truth before you leave this world?". What would happen if the entire world saw that our response to being attacked (for when Jesus is attacked, all Christians are attacked - we are the Body of Christ) was to turn to our attacker and say, "I know you are wounded. We are too. We pray you find the answer to your wounds in His Wounds, as we have done?"

I'm sure that Prof Myers would not be impressed at first, yet I cannot help but think about people like Dr Anthony Flew, the standard bearer for atheism in the scientific community for over 60 years who experienced a conversion to Truth in his 80's and had the courage to write a book about it. He did so in spite of being attacked by former proteges, some who had the audacity to suggest that he was suffering from dementia when he wrote the book There is (no) A God simply because he no longer agreed with them.

I know what it is like to live in darkness for a long, long time. I also know that it is those who live in that darkness that Christ wants the most - it is the lost sheep that the Shepherd went to find. And I also know that if, as a member of His Body, I am called to be like Him it is those souls I am called to search out, to minister to, to help and to Love.

Being a Catholic was not easy in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Centuries. We were beaten, tortured and murdered for entertainment. We were forced to celebrate the Eucharist underground amidst decaying bodies for fear of being killed on the spot. We were accused of being cannibals because we accepted whole-heartedly the command of Jesus Christ to eat His Body and drink His Blood. On the excavated ruins of the Roman Forum is ancient graffiti making fun of our beliefs - a picture of a man with the head of an ass hanging from a cross, the words 'god of the christians' written below it.

Today we face the same type of trials. Will we be driven underground for our beliefs? Perhaps. But what we know is that Jesus promised us that the gates of hell would not prevail against His Bride, The Church...so if we are, it will be up to people like me - normal, average, weak and imperfect - to remember from whence we come, that we stand on the shoulders of giants and that no matter what anyone says about us, we are ok.

May Prof Myers find the error of his ways. May he find his way to the Truth that lights the Way to eternal life. May he be drawn to Him who loves even those who hate Him.

In His Name, I pray.



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Monday, July 21, 2008
10:58:50 AM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Rushing to the Father


I arrived home last night from Steubenville, Ohio after 5 days of study at Franciscan University. I sorted through my email and found that my Godson, James, has had a wonderful write up in a video game/computer periodical about a new game he authored (Fracture). It got me thinking about the theme of the conference being Your Kingdom Come. And that makes perfect sense, doesn't it? The creation of a video game with its virtual reality, its boundaries and its limitations leading one to think about He who created the Universe and How you cannot have a theology that is just Jesus and me....it you do, you leave out the most important part of the equation....The Trinity....The Father.

My friend Patty is writing a series on her blog (see the link to the side here) about the damage it does to children to have a father who is sick or insane or monstrous. Senator Obama's demand of men of color to stop allowing the actions of those who are immoral to define them - to become true FATHERS - caused a supposed Christian man of God to express a desire to have Senator Obama castrated. Patty's story of incest and denial has caused her brother, another well-known man of God, to threaten her with legal action. We are touchy on this subject, are we not? We get a little angry, a little defensive....for women who grew up proud to own a t-shirt that proclaimed that they needed a man like a fish needed a bicycle, it is embarrassing to discover that a bad relationship with the man who helped to create them may mean an inability to relate well to the world as a whole. And men, grown men trying desperately to find their way and be what God intended them to be, find that without a role model upon which to pattern their behavior they flounder.

Dr Petroc Willey, a convert to the Faith and the foremost expert on the use of the Catholic Catechism (promulgated in 1992 under the auspices of JPII) spoke to the idea of claiming our inheritence as Children of the Holy Trinity. He cautioned us to never leave the concept of the True God out of the whole - it cannot be just Jesus and me as that speaks solely to only one Person of God. He called it the 'Islamicization of Christianity', this forgetting that God is Three Divine Persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and without an organic approach to God we are in danger of reducing our understanding to that of 'there is no God but.....'. I was struck by that - the fact that we, as Catholic Christians, approach God differently, we have a different mind set, a different culture, and different way of looking at the necessity of Holy Scripture, Authority, and the Bride of Christ. We also, if we are truly holding fast to the Faith, have to have a different way of looking at The Father.

He is all-powerful, all knowing and all about loving us so much that He had to create us...has to create us still, for it is He who knits us together in our mother's wombs. It is He who breathes life into us, allowing us to develop and grow in such a way that we yearn for Him...and it is this yearning that the secular world tells us is unseeming, is silly, is superstitious, is comical...and when we believe that lie (fathered, as it is, by the Father of All Lies), we begin to lose our way. We fracture. We become angry and bitter and unable to truly bond with anyone - even with our own children because we see them as something to 'do' and then 'let go' so we can 'have our own lives'. We believe that we cannot love or nurture THEM unless OUR needs are fullfilled, thereby turning our backs on the very essence of the divine that is within each of us - the ability to create life, to nurture and love it and sacrifice for it...to put ourselves aside, so that they might live.

Barbara Morgan, founder of the St John Bosco Conference, urged us all to 'rush to the Father'.

St Therese of Liseux was all over the place this weekend, as might be expected as she is the Doctor of the Church, the Doctor of the Father (so to speak). When she was asked by her Carmelite Sisters what she would do if she committed a mortal sin she stated that she would run to her Father, throw herself into His lap, look up into His eyes and beg His forgiveness.

"And He would have to forgive me", she said, 'because He loves me so".

May we all rush to Our Father today, promise to do His Will not for our glory or ease but for HIS....so that His Kingdom may be made more perfect here on earth and He may come.

St Therese, pray for us.

St John Bosco, thank you.



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Saturday, July 12, 2008
10:29:19 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Shame of Bigotry


http://www.catholicleague.org/release.php?id=1459

The above link will take you to a shocking news story. University of Minnesota professor Paul Zachary Myers has put out a call for someone to 'score' him a Consecrated Host so that he could publically desecrate it. Apparently, he is angry that the Catholic League criticized a student at the University of Florida for taking a Host at communion and 'holding it hostage' for several days.

I am shocked beyond belief.

This type of bigotry and hatred, if directed against any other religious group in America, would be front page news, carried on CNN, be the subject of speeches and angry denunciation by Presidential Candidates from BOTH parties.

Here, because it is about Catholics and about (as the professor stated) ' a g....d.....cracker' the only people willing to stand up and say, "You do NOT get to do this" are individual Catholics alerted to this horror through word of mouth and the internet.

If this type of hatred and threat was directed against any of our service men and women, the entire country would be up in arms.

If this professor had stated he was going to take the effigy of an African-American and burn it on the front steps of the state capitol, the howls of protest would be deafening.

Here, in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. founded in a Declaration and a Constitution that is designed to allow religious freedom to all Americans......nothing.

At this very moment, I am ashamed to be an American.

But I am proud to be a Catholic....and today, at morning Mass, in honor of my friend Joe and the shoulders of the saints and martyrs who have gone before me, I offered the graces of the Sacrament for the soul of Professor Paul Zachary Myers, University of Minnesota, Morris.

May Our Lady change his heart and St Joseph protect the Christ Child now, as he did here on earth.

amen.



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Friday, July 11, 2008
7:38:17 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Personal Loss, Personal Gain and the Victory of Christ


Yesterday, my friend Joe Barratt passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack. I was shocked. I am still heartbroken. My grief for his wife, Annie, is immeasurable at this moment. It felt like I had lost my father all over again - and I need to tell you why.

I met Joe and Ann while on the trip to the Holy Land 2 years ago. They took me and my friend Giselle under their wings. We travelled as a mini-pack and one of the highlights of the trip for us was when the four of us visited the Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem together.

The museum is an amazing testimony to the sufferings of the Jewish people, especially during the Nazi era. However, there is an attempt by the museum to offer a glimpse of anti-semitism throughout the ages which features some out of context quotations from the writings of the Early Church Fathers (in particular, St Augustine). It also has an exhibit which perpetuates the myth of Pope Pius the 12th's 'complicity' in the Holocaust of WWII. While I would be the last person to claim the Church has been free of this horrible form of prejudice against God's Chosen People, there are some 'claims' made against Her that are, simply, false. It does not lessen our complicity as Catholics to attone for the wrongs done to our Elder Siblings in the Faith - but it also makes it important for us as Catholics Out Loud to speak up whenever necessary to set the record straight and clear.

I stood before that exhibit with a myriad of emotions. I know we are supposed to be ready to defend our Faith at a moments notice, but how exactly does one 'raise a fuss' (out of love, of course) in the Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem?

It was Joe, while standing next to me with a sad look on his face, who put it perfectly: He said to me in a whisper, "I guess this is one of those times we are supposed to just forgive".

Many of us grew up with less than stellar fathers. I am one of those people. I know having a 'bad' father damaged me. Meeting people like Joe, and other fine men in the parish, has done much to facilitate feelings of forgiveness and reconcilliation within my own heart. Yesterday, I had the privilige of thanking Joe's daughter Allison for sharing her father with me. Because of men like Joe, I was able to have a tangible, real example of what a holy man can be as a father.

Any of you men who ever think that you are unappreciated for the sacrifices you make to be 'Catholics Out Loud', to be holy, to be good and strong men of faith, please know that you are being watched and loved by someone else's daughter, somone who (for whatever reason) was not able to do what you are doing. Joe was one of those types of men - and I loved him.

May his soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

On a good note, yesterday and today I put into practice the techniques taught to me in San Diego during an attempt by E to start a big fight. What was interesting to watch was the predictions of the teachers I had come true, one by one.

I was told that my job during these discussions would be to keep my voice low, stick only to facts and to keep the conversation on track in terms of only discussing the topic at hand.

I was also told that the first few times I do this with a perpetrator, whether they be a subordinate, a peer or a member of upper management, it would be very uncomfortable. Tough. Do it anyway.

I was told the following would happen:

1. the person would attack my character/behavior - seperate from the issue at hand. Sure enough, two minutes into the discussion of E's refusal to honor my request for some time to process some information before we talked about it - she told me that the real problem is me being over emotional and incapable of handling criticism. I took a deep breath and said, "Be that as it may, we are not talking about me. We are talking about you asking me if I needed to talk to you and me telling you that I could not do so at this moment, but if you would please give me some time I would be able to before I leave for the day. I also told you that I wanted to discuss a deposit not showing up on a log when I looked it up, appearing on that same log when you had logged on to the computer and looked it up, and my concern that the log was being manipulated and its possible lack of integrity in terms of security".

2. the person would bring up something I had done in the past where I had been clearly in the wrong. E said to me, "Oh and I suppose you did not overreact and get overly emotional with me three months ago when we had that argument out there in front of everyone". I responded with, "That was three months ago. It has been dealt with and is no longer an issue. Today we are discussing your inability to respect my request to give me some time to think a problem through, that problem being - specifically - my inability to locate a deposit on the log and your ability to do so after you had logged onto the computer. My concern is that the log is being manipulated and it may have had its security compromised".

3. the person will accuse me of thinking I am better than they are. E said to me, "Stop trying to Lord it over me". I said, "I am not Lording it over you, E. I am speaking to you as an equal. And I am speaking to you of what happened today, which was your inability to respect my request....etc etc etc."

4. (and finally) the person will claim that everyone else thinks just like she does about me and that no one likes me or respects me and my job is in jeopardy. E said, "Well, everyone out there (pointing to the staff in general) hates the way you talk to them. They have made several complaints to V about you and she is going to address those with you when she gets back from vacation:. I said, in response, "If V has received complaints about my management style, it is her job to address those complaints and talk to me about them. It is not YOUR job to do so. We are not talking about that - we are talking about what happened today...which was......blah blah blah".

I kept my voice low, my demeanor calm, and I would not allow her to goad me into any kind of fight over something weird and trivial. I did not fall for any of her bait and switch tactics. She was so pissed. I finally said, "Now, we have discussed the following..." and she said, "I don't want to hear this all again" and I said, "I do". She snapped, "Send it to me in an email". I said, "No." and then I recapped the discussion and the conclusions that were reached, which were she needs to respect my requests for space when they are made, she is not allowed to evaluate anything about me other than my work and she will consider the possibility that the log may have been temporarily tampered with OR that a computer glitch had caused some information to disappear and reappear. At the end of the discussion, I said, "Now, is there anything else you would like to say?" She snapped, "NO" and I smiled and said, "Then please have a good afternoon and I will see you tomorrow".

I was not done yet.

Iwent into work last night at 11:30pm to talk with the swing shift and the graveyard shift. I made a little speech. It went like this: "I want you all to know that I have a deep appreciation for your job skills, your knowledge and your dedication to the unit. I have an ever deeper gratitude for the fact that you have been generous and kind with me when sharing that knowledge. I have learned a great deal in the one year I have been a supervisor here. I know that my success has been predicated upon the good teachers I have had - and those teachers are you.. It has been brought to my attention that I have been speaking to you in a manner that some have found offensive, and that complaints have been lodged against me with V. I want you all to know that I am very sorry if I have said or done anything to offend you, that my use of pet names and terms of endearment is a bad habit I am determined to break if it makes you all uncomfortable. I will be back from vacation on July 28, rested and ready to learn some more. I want your help in breaking this habit. If you hear me call anyone 'sweetheart' you have my permission to nudge me and say, "you're doing it again, stop it'."

Later, I called individuals into my office (E saw me doing this) shut the door and told them the same kind of thing in a more personal manner behind closed doors. Here are some of the comments that were made:

"you are a class act"

"you are the only person in 4 years who has ever treated us like human beings"

"you are intelligent and good at what you do"

"someday you will be running your own department"

and finally, my favorite,

What idiot told you we didn't like the way you talked to us? (my reply was that the person who gave me the information wanted me to succeed and has only my best interests at heart. I said this because E had parked herself outside the door of the office (cubicle, really) and was trying to listen to what was being said inside.

God has given me spiritual muscles, as Debbie would say. I have grown. I finally FINALLY behaved like a woman of grace and dignity.



Thank you, St Joe Barratt, for praying for me.




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Tuesday, July 8, 2008
9:09:15 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Lord help me sleep


I cannot sleep. If I do not fall asleep soon I will get less than 6 hours sleep before I go back to work. I want to just scream. My brain will not shut off. I am unsure if I put the warrant validatin list in Sheena's box too late or if I sent the right list up to FOB and my neck hurts and I just cannot stop thinking. I hate this - occasionally I struggle with insominia and it always brings to mind those old AA jokes the oldtimers tell: The newcomer comes into a meeting and says, "I've been sober for a month and I cannot sleep!" And one of the oldtimers will growl, "No one ever died from lack of sleep". The newcomer looks at him with blood shot eyes and says, "Has anyone ever died from saying no one ever died from lack of sleep?".

I went to the doctor yesterday and I am officially down 52 pounds. Which means I am only a little fatter than I should be rather than clinically obese. Goody for me. I cannot even take any pleasure in that - I just want to sleep, and I want my neck to stop hurting and my knee to stop swelling.

It is horribly hot and smoky in the bay area...not just the valley but the whole dang bay area. Martinez, usually the recipient of pleasant Delta breezes and winds off the San Francisco Bay is just gray and hot and icky. It looks like the Central Valley does - and it is depressing and makes me want to go to the ocean, but Big Sur and Santa Barbara are on fire so it would be smoky there too.

Oh woe is me.

Anyway, I better shut up and try to sleep. I even tried praying and my prayers go like this:

In the Name of the Father and of the (should Sheena have gotten that list or should I have waited to give it to her when I came in this morning?) Son and of the Holy Spirit.

Our Father, who aren't in (who is working tonight? Is Vicki working? ) heaven, Hallowed be thy name (that doesn't look like a motion to quash, it looks like a regular objection. I think we need to let Zandonella know there has been an objection), Thy Kingdom come (if I wear a skirt I have to wear nylons and it is too hot for nylons) Thy Will be done on earth (did I overspend at Walgreens?) as it is in heaven (my leg and hip are aching...do I need to tell the doctor? No he'll make me get x-rays and I hate that because someone will want to replace something and I don't have the time). Give us this day, our daily Bread, and forgive us our trespasses (she is such a dirt bag....treating the deputy like that, what is her problem?) as we forgive those (except for her, she's just nuts) who trespass against us...and lead us not into temptation (God, I want chocolate) but deliver us from evil (will the Niners play a decent season?). Amen.







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Saturday, July 5, 2008
9:58:05 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
A Fourth of July


What a nice weekend. Shoot, what a nice week. I found my ability to stand up for myself without causing me to behave in a foolish, mean or emotional manner. The training I went through that week in San Diego has given me new confidence and now I need to concentrate on not taking inordinate glee in the discomfort this confidence causes E. She needs our prayers and our support. This is a very troubled woman. God save me from thinking "neener neener neener".

We got to spend the day with Trace and Deana and Caitria and it was so much fun. I just love that group. They are funny and bright and it is so NICE to have a conversation with people who use their heads for something besides holding their ears apart. I say that with love, of course. It is also nice because the brother is in the 'don't invite them to do anything' stage of his latest relationship (we have been through this before so we knew it was coming) and the 'she can't come, she is sick' stage as well.

I always check my own behavior when this starts to happen. Afterall, there are some constants in these equations and I am one of them. SO, I ask myself "am I being overly sensitive or have I done anything to make them not want me around?'. For once, because of the life I now lead, I can say with confidence "Oh maybe, but that's tough...no one is perfect and they need to lighten up".

We did get to take Jillian to the 4th of July parade downtown in Modesto yesterday. It was really nice. This was the first real live parade she had ever seen outside of those perfect ones done at Disneyland - and listen, I have nothing against those parades but there is something about sitting on a sidewalk in your home town watching grown men wearing really silly hats drive tiny clown cars around in circles that no child should miss.

I also got to spend time today in the Adoration Chapel.

There is a comfort received from sitting quietly in the Presence of Our Lord that is difficult to describe. I feel, at times, that He is speaking to me with such clarity. I know that I cannot control what goes on around me but can control my reactions to things and I can continue to live my life, to the best of my ability, according to Truth. To know that I sit in His Presence, that He has not left me an orphan and that the graces I receive from Him are real weapon against depression, anxiety, fear and anger - how wonderful that is! Even when I feel alone I know that my feelings are not reality - I am not alone. I am with Him, every breath I take.

This is the Year of St. Paul - which is going to be very interesting. Lots of learning, lots of stuff coming up. I look forward to going back on my regular graveyard schedule and it is hard to believe but on Monday, July 7, I will have been with the sheriff dept for one full year.

E didn't run me off......came close, but no cigar.

GOOD FOR ME....and thank you, Lord, for never letting me do what I wanted to do and helping me do what I should.



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Sunday, June 29, 2008
12:03:19 AM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
FASTING - what a topic


To be a Christian means to be lifted out of the old humanity of Adam to the new humanity of Christ. No man is forced to accept Christ in his life any more than the Blessed Virgin was forced to bear Him. The life of Christ within us is free and consultative. - Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

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Ok - so that silly Stacy (our RCIA Director at St Joseph's) says to me in an email I got TODAY: will you talk about Fasting on Monday night?

Apparently, Nutri Systems does not count.

Well, I am no dummy....I went right to a great source for a solid definition: Father Hardon's Modern Catholic Dictionary. I sent her the definition and said, "Print it up, Sistah!".

So what is fasting?

Well, it is a practice used by our Elder Brothers and Sisters in the Faith and continued by the first Christians as a form of penance. One makes a decision to impose limits on the kind or the quantity of food or drink as a way of showing Jesus how sorry one is for their own sins or for the sins of the world. In the early Church there was less formal precept and so a huge variety of custom, but in general fasting was much more severe then than it is today. The ancient custom in the Latin Church of celebrating Mass in the evening during Lent, for instance, was partly due to the fact that in many places the first meal of the day was not taken before sunset.

The modern Church regulations on fasting, until 1966, prescribed taking only one full meal a day, along with some food for breakfast and a collation. Days of fast and abstnence were Ash Wednesday, the Fridays and Saturdays of Lent, Ember days and the vigils of certain feasts. Days of fast only were the rest of the days of Lent, except Sundays and special indults affected different nations and were provided fo by canon law.

In 1966, with the begining of Paenitemini of Paul the VI, the meaning of the law of fasting remained, but the EXTENT of the obligation changed. The 'law of fasting allows only one full meal a day, but does not prohibit tajking some food iun the morning and evening while observing approved local custom as far as quantity and quality of food are concerned."

Today the prescribed days of fasting are Ash Wednesday and Good Friday but 'it is up to the bishops, gathered in their episcopal conferences, to establish the norms.....".

So, while fasting is still a form of penance, not all penance has to be fasting. For me, I still give up meat on Fridays because it is an 'easy' penance for me to remember. It probably sounds wimpy for me to put it that way; however, it allows me to view Fridays as a special liturgical day in my week and it reminds me that being a Catholic is more than simply Mass on Sundays and Confession once a month. It is a culture, a lifestyle and way to be viewed and to view.

And it is a way for me to be me, without apology.

CATHOLICS OUT LOUD - unite!!!!



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