8:03:51 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Heading for Home Tomorrow
My last night in San Diego - and I get a free meal. Why? I made a legitimate complaint to the hotel about the reception of my television and they apologized and offered me a free dinner tonight. Do I say, "No" to that? Absolutely not. It saves the department money. Why not.
It has been a good time and I have learned some interesting stuff. I have doubts, of course, as to whether or not it can be applied across the board at my place of work, but I have been able to hear one important message over and over again - I need to find a way to play the game smarter as well as to toughen up in terms of being able to handle E.
I think I can be overly sensitive and I have problems with her communication style. Still, I also believe I need to learn how to hear her words and discard the manner in which they are being said - not because I am wrong but because she is not going to change. It's around the spiritual axiom of acceptance and, to be honest, I know that I have greater peace of mind when I can accept that a situation is what it is, I have nothing to do with it and cannot affect any change.
Easier to say than do, of course.
I think, for me, it is around wanting some justice. I said to my mother the other night, "It would be so nice, just once, to hear someone besides you say to me 'I'm sorry I did that' and I know you would LOVE to hear someone besides me say the same thing to YOU once in awhile.". The reality is, of course, that is not going to happen. It is important for me to acknowledge when I am wrong. It is a sign of weakness for others to do the same.
Of course, this does not apply to doctrinal issues. I liked the quote I heard from the newest Archbishop in the United States ( I cannot think of his name right now). He said he is conservative on doctrinal issues and a progressive on social issues. In other words, he knows what is Truth and what can be an interpretation. The Real Presence in the Eucharist is Truth. Whether or not to apply the death penalty to a child rape case can be argued and nuanced.
E telling me I am too sensitive and cannot take criticism from her may or may not be true. I think I take her direction on work well. I think I do not like her commentary on my personality. I do not trust her judgement in that area. It hurts my feelings and makes me angry. However, she is not going to NOT do that - so I need to either learn to whistle in my head while she is talking about that and then say, "Thank you for sharing. I will think about that" or I can continue to get my feelings hurt and get angry and go home in tears. The choice is mine.
AAUUUGGHHH
I hate these kinds of choices - why isn't one of the choices having her stop and also apologize for all the times she has done it in the past? Well, it isn't and that's not fair and oh well, life is not fair.
I am all packed. Later I will ask the front desk to print out my boarding pass. Tonight I am going to enjoy my free dinner, say my Rosary, watch some television and then go to bed. Tomorrow is another day and I have a heck of a weekend ahead of me. Harriet, Pete and the twins on Saturday and Trace and Deana and Caitria on Sunday - I can't wait for Sunday.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
8:46:37 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
I'm not so wrong
Sometimes the best part of going to a training seminar is finding out you aren't so wrong after all. That's been my experience so far; the past two days here in San Diego has shown me that my management style is not so goofy, my approach to staffing and giving people information is not so goofy and I am, overall, pretty good at the basics of supervision. Do I need to know more technical stuff? You betcha. I need experience and expertise and more basic knowledge of how things are put into a system or what order the pages should be in before they are scanned, but that is stuff that will come with time and practice.
It is amazing to me how scared I had become because of the manner in which I was spoken to by E. It is becoming clear that I react at a very visceral level to tone of voice or the use of certain words and gestures and you know what? That is going to be up to me to master, not up to her to change. She is what she is and she does what she does and while I do not claim to be perfect I do accept that my responsibility in this relationship is going to be to 'toughen up' and not let my emotions run the show. When she starts a sentence with an emphatic "YOU" followed by whatever list of complaints she has about my actions, my looks, my personality or whatever else she finds fault with I am going to have to learn to let it wash over me and off my back - water off a duck, so to speak - rather than allow it to hurt me at some level that causes tears or a defensive fight back attack on my part. In other words, at the ripe old age of 52, I am going to have to grow up and knock the baby stuff off.
In today's marketplace, in particular in the area of civil service, we are going to be asking our employees to do more with less. We cannot allow ourselves to become too cynical or to buy into the public's perception that all civil servants are lazy, overpaid people sucking off the teat of government money - leeches on the body of the taxpayer. My experience has been that 95% of the men and women I have worked with in 22 years are dedicated, hardworking, willing to go the extra mile for the consumer they serve and are vastly underpaid. To treat these people as less than human is criminal, in my opinion. Therefore, no matter what E or even V say, I will continue to thank people for the work they do, acknowledge their abilities and the effort they put into the 10 hours they were at their desk and be proud of my staff. I do not buy into the idea that a supervisor does not thank people for doing their job, or that hearing a thank you wears thin and loses its impact. People want to know they are valued and I believe I get more from my team if I reassure them they are valued, they are appreciated and I know I would be in sad shape without their support and hard work.
I will also continue to pray for E and V as well as ask the angels and saints to help me keep the light of God shining in that office. I believe in the power of prayer - couple that with the power of hard work and dedication and you have the makings of a very successful workplace environment.
St Therese, you are still my loving friend and I thank you for all the roses. St Padre Pio, your example of acceptance and obedience is held before me as a goal for me to work towards, one day at a time.
Jesus, bless my workers and help me to be the best I can be, according to Your Will.
amen.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Saturday, June 21, 2008
3:08:23 PM EDT
Feeling Sad Edit Entry Delete Entry
Saying Goodbye to Lou
Whether rich or poor, learned or unlearned, walking by the rule of humility we shall become, at length, true Saints, sons of God. We shall be upright and perfect, lights in the world, the image of Him Who died that we might be conformed to His likeness. - Venerable Cardinal John Henry Newman (1801-1890)
I am one of those Catholics who absolutely believes (and accepts!) everything the Holy Mother Church teaches. However, I am also a human being with a finite mind who can be saddened by the passing of a loved one, the loss of a pet, the killing of an innocent and the hardships faced by others. Oh heck, let me tell the truth and shame O'l Red Legs (as my Cajun sister, Macile, would say) - I can be saddened by my OWN hardships.
Today, when I got home from my women's meeting, I had a telephone call from one of my sponsees. M is an older woman, in her 70(s), who has been sober 17 years. She cannot do much because of health issues so one of the things I urged her to do as far as service to our 12 step program goes was to help out on the hotline. She agreed and took a Friday morning shift - 6am to 9am, every Friday, she answers the telephone in her home with a cheerful voice, announcing the name of our 12 Step program.
M is also a Faithful Daughter of the Holy Mother Church - another Catholic out LOUD - who is not ashamed about her great faith, her devotion to Our Lord and His mother, her dependence upon the Sacraments for salvation, her devotion to prayer and the idea of Redemptive Suffering.
Originally from New York, M is a reformed street kid who realized that her mental health would improve greatly if and when she stopped drinking and drugging....and she was right.
M's shift on the hotline put her in touch on the telephone with another NY street kid - a man in his 80's with a few decades of sobriety under his belt by the name of Lou. A lapsed Catholic, Lou had a distaste for the Church and a defiance that was verbally abusive if he was in the company of someone who is a Faithful Catholic. I had been on the receiving end of several tongue lashings from him in the past - he hated my willingness to talk to people about being a Catholic, did not like it when I asked people in meetings to not tell Catholic Jokes unless they were also going to tell jokes about Blacks, Jews and Homosexuals, and otherwise had no problem being very strict with the Traditions of our 12 step program....if you have a problem with a specific Religion or a denomination, take it privately to your sponsor and work some steps around it but leave it away from the tables. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking - you are not required to hate your religion of origin or to convert or evangelize anyone.
Because Lou and M are close in age, Lou was able to start talking to her about why he had fallen away from the Church. Slowly, over the course of a year, Lou began to share with M what had happened in his life and get some answers from her in terms of how she was able to stay Faithful when her life fell apart. He began to watch EWTN on television, falling in love with Father John Corapi (Father is 'one of us' - a man in recovery - and just like Lou, a tough little Italian from NY) and Mother Angelica and learning to love his Church again.
Six months ago, Lou returned to the Church - he made a thorough confession with Father Ramon from Holy Family Parish here in Modesto and received the Eucharist for the first time in FORTY YEARS.....he was able to travel to Montana to be with his youngest grandson when he was receiving HIS first Holy Communion, and participate with his family in The Mass.
This morning, Lou passed into the arms of his Loving Lord...sober and at peace....he received the gift of a Happy and Holy Death.
The last message I was able to get to Lou was that he was my favorite Catholic and I knew of no one whose prayers were more powerful than his right now - so would he please pray that my idiot brother return to the Holy Mother Church before it is too late?
I am going to miss Lou. He was a powerful witness to the goodness of our 12 Step program, to the power of forgiveness and to the Love of Christ. Lou exemplified the journey Home for so many of us...and I know that he is more fully alive right now than any of us here. I know that his prayers for me and my family are powerful still, and I am so grateful to have someone like him on MY side when I pray.
St. Lou of Modesto - yup, it's got a nice ring to it.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 4 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
10:07:28 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
A Catholic Responds to Horror
Self-giving is the first step along the road of sacrifice, joy, love, union with God. And thus, a whole life is filled with a holy madness which makes us encounter happiness where human logic would only see denial, suffering, and pain. - Saint Josemaria Escriva
************************
Over the Father's Day weekend the Central Valley was stunned by a horrific and vicious crime. A man suffering some sort of psychotic break was found beating his 2 year old son to death on a country road. He was raving that the child had been invaded by demons. The man was stomping and kicking the child. A passerby, a volunteer Fire Chief from one of our smaller towns here, tried to stop him when he realized what was going on while his wife called into Sheriff Dispatchers a scene of unspeakable carnage playing itself out in front of her eyes. She watched as her husband, a strong man, tried again and again to pull the man off the baby - a baby that had, by this time, been beaten beyond recognition - without success.
Sheriff Deputies arrived by helicopter, landing less than 20 yards from the scene. A Deputy, now being hailed as a hero, kept yelling for the man to stop. The perpetrator flipped them off and aimed a soccer-style kick at the lifeless body of the child. The Deputy felled him with one shot to the head.
And there, in the middle of a quiet country road, lay the bodies of father and son.
I have always struggled with this type of crime. I get nightmares. I get physically sick. I find myself crying and wishing, somehow, that I had been able to be there to - to what? help? stop him? offer myself as bait? what other overly-dramatic thing can I come up with?
I don't know...I only know that when something like this happens it always feels as though someone has socked me hard in the stomach. The wind is knocked out of me and I find myself holding on to something solid for support.
Intellectually, I know and accept that nothing happens in God's Universe by mistake. Unlike many people who hear that statement, I know it does NOT mean that God wills such evil to happen; rather, it is a by-product of His love for His creatures that the Creator will not go where He is not invited, allows us each free will to chose what and how we will send this precious gift of life given to us at the moment of our conception. I understand and I believe that from all evil can come great good. I know this, I understand this and I accept this....I believe.
Lord, help my unbelief.
Because in the middle of all the theology and the rhetoric and the debate over doctrine and dogma is the body of a little boy, battered into so much debris, and the body of the man who helped to bring him life, driven to madness and an unspeakable crime by forces not yet understood. Drugs? Insanity? Both?
And in a little apartment several miles away a young woman, a teacher by profession, sits between her grandparents in stunned silence...a haze of tranquilizers keeping the reality away from her for the moment so that she might not also collapse into insanity and death. Her husband is dead. Her child is dead. Both taken from her without warning, she claims. No signs. Nothing to indicate that the man with whom she created this precious new person would someday be gunned down while stomping the boy to death, grinning and flipping 'the bird' to a deputy who begged him to stop before having to pull the trigger.
As a Catholic, I hold fast to the belief that this child is safe in the arms of Our Savior and Lord, carried to her Son by the Blessed Mother herself, no longer scared or hurt or suffering.
I believe, Lord. Help my unbelief.
As a Catholic, I pray for the soul of the father who did this to his child. I do not know what demons possessed him - real, imagined, drug or psychologically induced, does it really matter? His immortal soul is, where? heaven? hell? It is not revealed to me, nor is it up to me - it is in the hands of a God of both Justice AND Mercy, who welcomed me home to the Holy Mother Church despite having murdered four of my own children in the name of freedom.
I believe, Lord. Help my unbelief.
Tonight, before I go back to sleep and begin my 'new day', I ask St Therese and St Cecilia - my friend and my patron - to comfort the survivors of this tragedy. I ask Our Lady to spread her mantle of protection over those who tried to help and those who witnessed this brutality. I ask the Lord to remember all of us today - we need You right now, Jesus, more than we have ever needed You.
I believe, Lord. Help my unbelief.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 4 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Sunday, June 15, 2008
12:44:34 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Happy Father's DAY
A little joke... ( - : from Some Have Hats a blog I have recently discovered.
Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
She's such a bitch.
**************************************************************
I got the above from my sister, Lee Anne, and just about choked on my NutriSystem Cereal this morning.
Today is Father's Day - Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful and not-so-wonderful fathers out there. Believe it or not, you all have a place...it's kind of like being a Catholic Out Loud - if you are one, you are always an example to those around you. Some days you are a good example. Others - ok, not so good.
I had such a great time last night. I spoke up in Auburn for AA and got to introduce DJ, the future priest and spiritual director of our St James Group, to some of my AA family. I LOVE that...when worlds collide, so to speak.
Now I am going to bed but I want to thank St Therese for being my prayer companion this weekend. I know that having DJ and Clem and Lisa and Doug and Brigitte and all the other lovely lovely AA people around me was like one giant human ROSE. Thank you, St Therese, for travelling with me and praying with me and speaking with me. You are awesome.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Thursday, June 12, 2008
9:21:03 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Actions and Teaching
Actions speak louder than words; let your words teach and your actions speak. - Saint Anthony of Padua (1195-1231)
******************
I taught on Monday night and no one warned me about the graduate student in philosophy that is becoming a Catholic. Thanks, you guys....lucky for me my Berkeley Rhetoric Training, plus a giant dose of help from the Holy Spirit, allowed me to listen to his questions on Original Sin, acknowledge that it was a GREAT question, and then say, "I really don't know...let's talk at the break". See, he is like me - he likes to dialogue and think things through, so we ended up having a great talk until 9pm when I realized that if I did not get home and go to bed I would be a wreck. SO his assignment is to track down what St Thomas Aquinas had to say on the subject of Original Sin and bring it back to us next Monday.....because next Monday I'll be teaching in the other group and Ed can deal with it.
HA!
Off to bed with me....Love you all....
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Monday, June 9, 2008
5:43:41 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
CATHOLICS OUT LOUD
OK so I need to do some editing on this picture so it comes out better...but I got to hang with my peeps, my gang, my sistahs and brotha and be silly and funny and be fed lots of love...the St James Group - part of it anyway - got together for a reunion on Saturday in Sacramento. I promise to write more later but I have to go to sleep now.
For those of you who have followed my saga at work, let me tell you that my ten days without E went WELL...REALLY well....I knew I was a success when the gals in the office brought me in, on Thursday, a bouquet of flowers for being their supervisor and doing such a good job....wow....
Thank you, everyone...Your prayers, your good wishes, your sage advice (Trace, listen up!) and just hanging in there with me. I made some mistakes so E was happy when she got back and could find them, but none that were horrible and boy was she p.o'd when she found out about the flowers (giggle).....so I am off to bed, I am teaching tonight in RCIA and I do not dread going to work tomorrow...how good is THAT?????
aoljpictureUpload, aoljpictureUpload_1
Friday, October 10, 2008
Here is some more
Believe it or Not
When John [the Baptist] was preaching the Lord's coming he was asked, "Who are you?" And he replied: "I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness." The voice is John, but the Lord "in the beginning was the Word." John was a voice that lasted only for a time; Christ, the Word in the beginning, is eternal. - Saint Augustine of Hippo (354-430)
I had blogged earlier but it never showed up here. I don't know why. Rest assured I am alive and well and starting back on regular graveyard schedule tonight. I am going back to bed right now. I just wanted to say one thing.
I made it.
This has been a helluva 9 months. I have learned, grown and almost conquered. I think I finally am a supervisor.
And a damn good one.
Keep me in your prayers. St Therese and St Michael the Archangel have come through for me in a big big way - but not as much as all of you.
Thank you, my friends.
Just a short note about the recent ramblings by Nancy Pelosi quoted in the media.
Mrs. Pelosi cites St Augustine of Hippo when she tries to equivicate as to when life begins according to the teachings of the Holy Mother Church. I understand her dilemna more than most as it was once the very thing I struggled with myself. I could hate abortion, but did I have a right to deny a legal abortion to a woman who does not share my faith?
That has long been resolved in my mind. I leave Mrs. Pelosi with this thought: Yes, St Augustine struggled with the idea of when the human soul enters the body. His conclusions were that the human soul enters the body of a MALE child before it enters the body of a FEMALE child.
If he was right about that, Nancy, then your idea that he may have been right with the rest of this thesis is correct.
And somehow, I don't think she would agree with him on this point.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Sunday, August 3, 2008
11:59:43 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Hot August Nights
Back to work tonight.
Last week was very interesting. I must have grown spiritually while at Franciscan University. I let E tease me and did not over react. Good for me. That is one of my failings, especially when I do not trust someone. It was not difficult to do and it helped her. She needs to be able to give people a bad time once in awhile; I think we all do. Just as it is impossible for me to be wrong 100% of the time it is impossible for her to be an ass 100% of the time.
We had to counsel two employees regarding office gossip. It didn't go as well as I would have liked but they both understand that neither she nor I will allow people to drag others through the mud simply because someone has their nose out of joint about overtime, or because they don't like someone's new job assignment and feel slighted. Tough. If you are upset or angry or feeling blue, take it to your friends OUTSIDE of the office. Do not cause problems in the workplace because you think someone is getting preferential treatment but do not have the guts to make a formal complaint about it.
One clerk responded really well and vowed to do her best to be more cooperative and more of a team player. The other sat there like a stone statue and refused to engage. Oh well. That's life.
We begin a new session of RCIA tomorrow night and I am looking forward to class beginning. I love teaching the Faith, love seeing all those eager faces and knowing that people are genuinely looking for a way to relate to God. But I am going to miss seeing Joe Barratt. He was such an asset. I know now, of course, that he is going to be even more help....he is a much more powerful intercessor now. But I will still miss him.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own
Sunday, July 27, 2008
10:24:33 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
LET THE GAMES BEGIN
Tonight I go back to work after 2 weeks of vacation. Oh, woe is me. Yes, yes I know...I know I should be grateful to have a job and blah blah blah. Still, if I am going to be honest then I have to admit that I LOVED being away from the office for the past 14 days. It was wonderful.
Part of the wonderful was attending the Bosco Conference. It truly is a way to feel renewed and re-energized, spiritually and physically, because it is five days with like-minded people. We were all there for one reason; that is to become better at doing what we do, which is teach the Faith. However, there is more to it than just learning. It is a way to connect with my brothers and sisters in Christ, to connect with people who care more about what God wants them to do than what the world wants them to do and it is a way to practice our Faith in a practical, meaningful manner that gives us joy and Him the glory.
I also got to spend five days going to meetings, dropping back into the middle of AA in a way I am not able to do now because of the job and the long commute. It was so much fun. I saw old friends and made new ones and I still talk way too long in meetings so I am glad I am not inflicting myself on them all the time.
Tonight I am going to haul my butt out of bed at half-past midnight, get into the shower, get dressed and have a cuppa joe before heading out the door to my job. My little badge fastened onto my lapel, my Rosary CD in hand, I am ready to try and maintain the level of professionalism I hit on my last day there two weeks ago. Sure, winning the lotto would have been nice but it did not happen...so before I turn in for the night I am going to have one last smoke and then go night night.
I have nothing on the agenda this week except my meeting on Wed night. I love that group. We got a new guy in last week, he was 4 or 5 days sober when he showed up, and our former newest member (who was celebrating over 100 days sober that same night) 12 stepped him with such love and compassion it brought tears to my eyes. To watch God work in our lives....it is amazing.
I do have one more thing to share. At the conference, it was suggested that a prayer to the Holy Spirit to act upon us outside of time and space to heal all the wounds we have had inflicted upon us (and those we caused ourselves) at the moment they occurred be prayed by all of us present. The suggestion was a real gift given to us out of love. I am praying that prayer now for myself, so that I can be a better supervisor, employee, daughter, aunt and spiritual mother. I am also praying that prayer for those in my family, friends of mine and those who see me as the enemy. I see how we drag our pasts around like the proverbial albatross and the dead carcasses stink up the place. Perhaps, a little supernatural love and grace is what we all need.
Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your people. Enkindle in them the fire of Your Love. Heal their hearts and souls, from the moment the wounds appeared, so that we may be of better service to each other, to our country, to the world and to You, Lord.
amen.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Saturday, July 26, 2008
2:32:09 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Loving in the Face of Hatred
There are moments in life of special importance such as when the Lord shows us the way to be followed and then leaves it up to our will to respond. - Blessed Margarita de Maturana (1884-1934)
Professor PZ Meyer claims on his blog to have descrated a consecrated Host by driving a nail through it. He provides pictures. Comments on his blog are vile and nasty and horrible attacks against the Catholic Church and organized religions of all faith beliefs. He is quite proud of himself for being the 'bearer of reason' against those people who 'worship a g...d....cracker'.
When I first was made aware of Professor Myers behavior and his claims that he has received death threats as a result of his actions, I could not pin point my emotional response. Anger was in there, of course, as was sadness and disbelief. I find it so very sad that in this country that I love, someone would be allowed to freely make a mockery of that which I hold dearer than my own life - The Eucharist - and be able to do so under the guise of free speech. I know that if he had made such a display about people that are of African descent or of other ethnic origins the mainstream media would have villified him. On the other hand, isn't it nice that no one paid him much mind - that he was, essentially, ignored by the national news because what he is doing is so hatefilled and so outside the pale in terms of American sensibility that no one wants to give him the time of day? He has been relegated to the status of those who meet in the basement of homes, put on white sheets and Nazi arm bands, and rail about the horrible state of the world because of the presence of subhuman species.....they are ignored until what they believe infringes upon my rights as an average American. They do not get to prevent me from having access to schools, to medical care, to purchasing necessities for my children because I am an Italian Catholic. If, however, they want to spew hatred and ridiculous ideals in those dark little basements then go ahead, buck-a-roo, have at it. There is no law that prevents you from being an idiot by choice.
I am also very grateful for people like Bill Donahue of the Catholic League that bring the violation of tax-supported universities to the attention of officials. He did so in this case, so that blog links were removed and the University of Minnesota's president was forced to make a statement that disavowed Professor Myers behavior as not being representative of that educational institution's basic mission statement. No one should feel threatened on their campus because they are faithful Catholics who believe 100% in the Real Presence. No one should be forced to endure this man's political and anti-religious tirades in order to take a class necessary for graduation in a specific field. Anyone harmed by this man's behavior should be able to seek redress through the proper channels.
What I needed to do was think through what the proper response to blasphemy is for a Catholic. And the proper response is Love.
As the site Inside Catholic stated, what would happen if 1000 people showed up outside Prof Myers home or classroom and recited the Rosary for his salvation and forgiveness? What would happen if for every nasty, vile and disgusting name he called us we responded with "We love you and pray that you find Truth before you leave this world?". What would happen if the entire world saw that our response to being attacked (for when Jesus is attacked, all Christians are attacked - we are the Body of Christ) was to turn to our attacker and say, "I know you are wounded. We are too. We pray you find the answer to your wounds in His Wounds, as we have done?"
I'm sure that Prof Myers would not be impressed at first, yet I cannot help but think about people like Dr Anthony Flew, the standard bearer for atheism in the scientific community for over 60 years who experienced a conversion to Truth in his 80's and had the courage to write a book about it. He did so in spite of being attacked by former proteges, some who had the audacity to suggest that he was suffering from dementia when he wrote the book There is (no) A God simply because he no longer agreed with them.
I know what it is like to live in darkness for a long, long time. I also know that it is those who live in that darkness that Christ wants the most - it is the lost sheep that the Shepherd went to find. And I also know that if, as a member of His Body, I am called to be like Him it is those souls I am called to search out, to minister to, to help and to Love.
Being a Catholic was not easy in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Centuries. We were beaten, tortured and murdered for entertainment. We were forced to celebrate the Eucharist underground amidst decaying bodies for fear of being killed on the spot. We were accused of being cannibals because we accepted whole-heartedly the command of Jesus Christ to eat His Body and drink His Blood. On the excavated ruins of the Roman Forum is ancient graffiti making fun of our beliefs - a picture of a man with the head of an ass hanging from a cross, the words 'god of the christians' written below it.
Today we face the same type of trials. Will we be driven underground for our beliefs? Perhaps. But what we know is that Jesus promised us that the gates of hell would not prevail against His Bride, The Church...so if we are, it will be up to people like me - normal, average, weak and imperfect - to remember from whence we come, that we stand on the shoulders of giants and that no matter what anyone says about us, we are ok.
May Prof Myers find the error of his ways. May he find his way to the Truth that lights the Way to eternal life. May he be drawn to Him who loves even those who hate Him.
In His Name, I pray.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own
Monday, July 21, 2008
10:58:50 AM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Rushing to the Father
I arrived home last night from Steubenville, Ohio after 5 days of study at Franciscan University. I sorted through my email and found that my Godson, James, has had a wonderful write up in a video game/computer periodical about a new game he authored (Fracture). It got me thinking about the theme of the conference being Your Kingdom Come. And that makes perfect sense, doesn't it? The creation of a video game with its virtual reality, its boundaries and its limitations leading one to think about He who created the Universe and How you cannot have a theology that is just Jesus and me....it you do, you leave out the most important part of the equation....The Trinity....The Father.
My friend Patty is writing a series on her blog (see the link to the side here) about the damage it does to children to have a father who is sick or insane or monstrous. Senator Obama's demand of men of color to stop allowing the actions of those who are immoral to define them - to become true FATHERS - caused a supposed Christian man of God to express a desire to have Senator Obama castrated. Patty's story of incest and denial has caused her brother, another well-known man of God, to threaten her with legal action. We are touchy on this subject, are we not? We get a little angry, a little defensive....for women who grew up proud to own a t-shirt that proclaimed that they needed a man like a fish needed a bicycle, it is embarrassing to discover that a bad relationship with the man who helped to create them may mean an inability to relate well to the world as a whole. And men, grown men trying desperately to find their way and be what God intended them to be, find that without a role model upon which to pattern their behavior they flounder.
Dr Petroc Willey, a convert to the Faith and the foremost expert on the use of the Catholic Catechism (promulgated in 1992 under the auspices of JPII) spoke to the idea of claiming our inheritence as Children of the Holy Trinity. He cautioned us to never leave the concept of the True God out of the whole - it cannot be just Jesus and me as that speaks solely to only one Person of God. He called it the 'Islamicization of Christianity', this forgetting that God is Three Divine Persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and without an organic approach to God we are in danger of reducing our understanding to that of 'there is no God but.....'. I was struck by that - the fact that we, as Catholic Christians, approach God differently, we have a different mind set, a different culture, and different way of looking at the necessity of Holy Scripture, Authority, and the Bride of Christ. We also, if we are truly holding fast to the Faith, have to have a different way of looking at The Father.
He is all-powerful, all knowing and all about loving us so much that He had to create us...has to create us still, for it is He who knits us together in our mother's wombs. It is He who breathes life into us, allowing us to develop and grow in such a way that we yearn for Him...and it is this yearning that the secular world tells us is unseeming, is silly, is superstitious, is comical...and when we believe that lie (fathered, as it is, by the Father of All Lies), we begin to lose our way. We fracture. We become angry and bitter and unable to truly bond with anyone - even with our own children because we see them as something to 'do' and then 'let go' so we can 'have our own lives'. We believe that we cannot love or nurture THEM unless OUR needs are fullfilled, thereby turning our backs on the very essence of the divine that is within each of us - the ability to create life, to nurture and love it and sacrifice for it...to put ourselves aside, so that they might live.
Barbara Morgan, founder of the St John Bosco Conference, urged us all to 'rush to the Father'.
St Therese of Liseux was all over the place this weekend, as might be expected as she is the Doctor of the Church, the Doctor of the Father (so to speak). When she was asked by her Carmelite Sisters what she would do if she committed a mortal sin she stated that she would run to her Father, throw herself into His lap, look up into His eyes and beg His forgiveness.
"And He would have to forgive me", she said, 'because He loves me so".
May we all rush to Our Father today, promise to do His Will not for our glory or ease but for HIS....so that His Kingdom may be made more perfect here on earth and He may come.
St Therese, pray for us.
St John Bosco, thank you.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Saturday, July 12, 2008
10:29:19 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Shame of Bigotry
http://www.catholicleague.org/release.php?id=1459
The above link will take you to a shocking news story. University of Minnesota professor Paul Zachary Myers has put out a call for someone to 'score' him a Consecrated Host so that he could publically desecrate it. Apparently, he is angry that the Catholic League criticized a student at the University of Florida for taking a Host at communion and 'holding it hostage' for several days.
I am shocked beyond belief.
This type of bigotry and hatred, if directed against any other religious group in America, would be front page news, carried on CNN, be the subject of speeches and angry denunciation by Presidential Candidates from BOTH parties.
Here, because it is about Catholics and about (as the professor stated) ' a g....d.....cracker' the only people willing to stand up and say, "You do NOT get to do this" are individual Catholics alerted to this horror through word of mouth and the internet.
If this type of hatred and threat was directed against any of our service men and women, the entire country would be up in arms.
If this professor had stated he was going to take the effigy of an African-American and burn it on the front steps of the state capitol, the howls of protest would be deafening.
Here, in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. founded in a Declaration and a Constitution that is designed to allow religious freedom to all Americans......nothing.
At this very moment, I am ashamed to be an American.
But I am proud to be a Catholic....and today, at morning Mass, in honor of my friend Joe and the shoulders of the saints and martyrs who have gone before me, I offered the graces of the Sacrament for the soul of Professor Paul Zachary Myers, University of Minnesota, Morris.
May Our Lady change his heart and St Joseph protect the Christ Child now, as he did here on earth.
amen.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own
Friday, July 11, 2008
7:38:17 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Personal Loss, Personal Gain and the Victory of Christ
Yesterday, my friend Joe Barratt passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack. I was shocked. I am still heartbroken. My grief for his wife, Annie, is immeasurable at this moment. It felt like I had lost my father all over again - and I need to tell you why.
I met Joe and Ann while on the trip to the Holy Land 2 years ago. They took me and my friend Giselle under their wings. We travelled as a mini-pack and one of the highlights of the trip for us was when the four of us visited the Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem together.
The museum is an amazing testimony to the sufferings of the Jewish people, especially during the Nazi era. However, there is an attempt by the museum to offer a glimpse of anti-semitism throughout the ages which features some out of context quotations from the writings of the Early Church Fathers (in particular, St Augustine). It also has an exhibit which perpetuates the myth of Pope Pius the 12th's 'complicity' in the Holocaust of WWII. While I would be the last person to claim the Church has been free of this horrible form of prejudice against God's Chosen People, there are some 'claims' made against Her that are, simply, false. It does not lessen our complicity as Catholics to attone for the wrongs done to our Elder Siblings in the Faith - but it also makes it important for us as Catholics Out Loud to speak up whenever necessary to set the record straight and clear.
I stood before that exhibit with a myriad of emotions. I know we are supposed to be ready to defend our Faith at a moments notice, but how exactly does one 'raise a fuss' (out of love, of course) in the Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem?
It was Joe, while standing next to me with a sad look on his face, who put it perfectly: He said to me in a whisper, "I guess this is one of those times we are supposed to just forgive".
Many of us grew up with less than stellar fathers. I am one of those people. I know having a 'bad' father damaged me. Meeting people like Joe, and other fine men in the parish, has done much to facilitate feelings of forgiveness and reconcilliation within my own heart. Yesterday, I had the privilige of thanking Joe's daughter Allison for sharing her father with me. Because of men like Joe, I was able to have a tangible, real example of what a holy man can be as a father.
Any of you men who ever think that you are unappreciated for the sacrifices you make to be 'Catholics Out Loud', to be holy, to be good and strong men of faith, please know that you are being watched and loved by someone else's daughter, somone who (for whatever reason) was not able to do what you are doing. Joe was one of those types of men - and I loved him.
May his soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
On a good note, yesterday and today I put into practice the techniques taught to me in San Diego during an attempt by E to start a big fight. What was interesting to watch was the predictions of the teachers I had come true, one by one.
I was told that my job during these discussions would be to keep my voice low, stick only to facts and to keep the conversation on track in terms of only discussing the topic at hand.
I was also told that the first few times I do this with a perpetrator, whether they be a subordinate, a peer or a member of upper management, it would be very uncomfortable. Tough. Do it anyway.
I was told the following would happen:
1. the person would attack my character/behavior - seperate from the issue at hand. Sure enough, two minutes into the discussion of E's refusal to honor my request for some time to process some information before we talked about it - she told me that the real problem is me being over emotional and incapable of handling criticism. I took a deep breath and said, "Be that as it may, we are not talking about me. We are talking about you asking me if I needed to talk to you and me telling you that I could not do so at this moment, but if you would please give me some time I would be able to before I leave for the day. I also told you that I wanted to discuss a deposit not showing up on a log when I looked it up, appearing on that same log when you had logged on to the computer and looked it up, and my concern that the log was being manipulated and its possible lack of integrity in terms of security".
2. the person would bring up something I had done in the past where I had been clearly in the wrong. E said to me, "Oh and I suppose you did not overreact and get overly emotional with me three months ago when we had that argument out there in front of everyone". I responded with, "That was three months ago. It has been dealt with and is no longer an issue. Today we are discussing your inability to respect my request to give me some time to think a problem through, that problem being - specifically - my inability to locate a deposit on the log and your ability to do so after you had logged onto the computer. My concern is that the log is being manipulated and it may have had its security compromised".
3. the person will accuse me of thinking I am better than they are. E said to me, "Stop trying to Lord it over me". I said, "I am not Lording it over you, E. I am speaking to you as an equal. And I am speaking to you of what happened today, which was your inability to respect my request....etc etc etc."
4. (and finally) the person will claim that everyone else thinks just like she does about me and that no one likes me or respects me and my job is in jeopardy. E said, "Well, everyone out there (pointing to the staff in general) hates the way you talk to them. They have made several complaints to V about you and she is going to address those with you when she gets back from vacation:. I said, in response, "If V has received complaints about my management style, it is her job to address those complaints and talk to me about them. It is not YOUR job to do so. We are not talking about that - we are talking about what happened today...which was......blah blah blah".
I kept my voice low, my demeanor calm, and I would not allow her to goad me into any kind of fight over something weird and trivial. I did not fall for any of her bait and switch tactics. She was so pissed. I finally said, "Now, we have discussed the following..." and she said, "I don't want to hear this all again" and I said, "I do". She snapped, "Send it to me in an email". I said, "No." and then I recapped the discussion and the conclusions that were reached, which were she needs to respect my requests for space when they are made, she is not allowed to evaluate anything about me other than my work and she will consider the possibility that the log may have been temporarily tampered with OR that a computer glitch had caused some information to disappear and reappear. At the end of the discussion, I said, "Now, is there anything else you would like to say?" She snapped, "NO" and I smiled and said, "Then please have a good afternoon and I will see you tomorrow".
I was not done yet.
Iwent into work last night at 11:30pm to talk with the swing shift and the graveyard shift. I made a little speech. It went like this: "I want you all to know that I have a deep appreciation for your job skills, your knowledge and your dedication to the unit. I have an ever deeper gratitude for the fact that you have been generous and kind with me when sharing that knowledge. I have learned a great deal in the one year I have been a supervisor here. I know that my success has been predicated upon the good teachers I have had - and those teachers are you.. It has been brought to my attention that I have been speaking to you in a manner that some have found offensive, and that complaints have been lodged against me with V. I want you all to know that I am very sorry if I have said or done anything to offend you, that my use of pet names and terms of endearment is a bad habit I am determined to break if it makes you all uncomfortable. I will be back from vacation on July 28, rested and ready to learn some more. I want your help in breaking this habit. If you hear me call anyone 'sweetheart' you have my permission to nudge me and say, "you're doing it again, stop it'."
Later, I called individuals into my office (E saw me doing this) shut the door and told them the same kind of thing in a more personal manner behind closed doors. Here are some of the comments that were made:
"you are a class act"
"you are the only person in 4 years who has ever treated us like human beings"
"you are intelligent and good at what you do"
"someday you will be running your own department"
and finally, my favorite,
What idiot told you we didn't like the way you talked to us? (my reply was that the person who gave me the information wanted me to succeed and has only my best interests at heart. I said this because E had parked herself outside the door of the office (cubicle, really) and was trying to listen to what was being said inside.
God has given me spiritual muscles, as Debbie would say. I have grown. I finally FINALLY behaved like a woman of grace and dignity.
Thank you, St Joe Barratt, for praying for me.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
9:09:15 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Lord help me sleep
I cannot sleep. If I do not fall asleep soon I will get less than 6 hours sleep before I go back to work. I want to just scream. My brain will not shut off. I am unsure if I put the warrant validatin list in Sheena's box too late or if I sent the right list up to FOB and my neck hurts and I just cannot stop thinking. I hate this - occasionally I struggle with insominia and it always brings to mind those old AA jokes the oldtimers tell: The newcomer comes into a meeting and says, "I've been sober for a month and I cannot sleep!" And one of the oldtimers will growl, "No one ever died from lack of sleep". The newcomer looks at him with blood shot eyes and says, "Has anyone ever died from saying no one ever died from lack of sleep?".
I went to the doctor yesterday and I am officially down 52 pounds. Which means I am only a little fatter than I should be rather than clinically obese. Goody for me. I cannot even take any pleasure in that - I just want to sleep, and I want my neck to stop hurting and my knee to stop swelling.
It is horribly hot and smoky in the bay area...not just the valley but the whole dang bay area. Martinez, usually the recipient of pleasant Delta breezes and winds off the San Francisco Bay is just gray and hot and icky. It looks like the Central Valley does - and it is depressing and makes me want to go to the ocean, but Big Sur and Santa Barbara are on fire so it would be smoky there too.
Oh woe is me.
Anyway, I better shut up and try to sleep. I even tried praying and my prayers go like this:
In the Name of the Father and of the (should Sheena have gotten that list or should I have waited to give it to her when I came in this morning?) Son and of the Holy Spirit.
Our Father, who aren't in (who is working tonight? Is Vicki working? ) heaven, Hallowed be thy name (that doesn't look like a motion to quash, it looks like a regular objection. I think we need to let Zandonella know there has been an objection), Thy Kingdom come (if I wear a skirt I have to wear nylons and it is too hot for nylons) Thy Will be done on earth (did I overspend at Walgreens?) as it is in heaven (my leg and hip are aching...do I need to tell the doctor? No he'll make me get x-rays and I hate that because someone will want to replace something and I don't have the time). Give us this day, our daily Bread, and forgive us our trespasses (she is such a dirt bag....treating the deputy like that, what is her problem?) as we forgive those (except for her, she's just nuts) who trespass against us...and lead us not into temptation (God, I want chocolate) but deliver us from evil (will the Niners play a decent season?). Amen.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Saturday, July 5, 2008
9:58:05 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
A Fourth of July
What a nice weekend. Shoot, what a nice week. I found my ability to stand up for myself without causing me to behave in a foolish, mean or emotional manner. The training I went through that week in San Diego has given me new confidence and now I need to concentrate on not taking inordinate glee in the discomfort this confidence causes E. She needs our prayers and our support. This is a very troubled woman. God save me from thinking "neener neener neener".
We got to spend the day with Trace and Deana and Caitria and it was so much fun. I just love that group. They are funny and bright and it is so NICE to have a conversation with people who use their heads for something besides holding their ears apart. I say that with love, of course. It is also nice because the brother is in the 'don't invite them to do anything' stage of his latest relationship (we have been through this before so we knew it was coming) and the 'she can't come, she is sick' stage as well.
I always check my own behavior when this starts to happen. Afterall, there are some constants in these equations and I am one of them. SO, I ask myself "am I being overly sensitive or have I done anything to make them not want me around?'. For once, because of the life I now lead, I can say with confidence "Oh maybe, but that's tough...no one is perfect and they need to lighten up".
We did get to take Jillian to the 4th of July parade downtown in Modesto yesterday. It was really nice. This was the first real live parade she had ever seen outside of those perfect ones done at Disneyland - and listen, I have nothing against those parades but there is something about sitting on a sidewalk in your home town watching grown men wearing really silly hats drive tiny clown cars around in circles that no child should miss.
I also got to spend time today in the Adoration Chapel.
There is a comfort received from sitting quietly in the Presence of Our Lord that is difficult to describe. I feel, at times, that He is speaking to me with such clarity. I know that I cannot control what goes on around me but can control my reactions to things and I can continue to live my life, to the best of my ability, according to Truth. To know that I sit in His Presence, that He has not left me an orphan and that the graces I receive from Him are real weapon against depression, anxiety, fear and anger - how wonderful that is! Even when I feel alone I know that my feelings are not reality - I am not alone. I am with Him, every breath I take.
This is the Year of St. Paul - which is going to be very interesting. Lots of learning, lots of stuff coming up. I look forward to going back on my regular graveyard schedule and it is hard to believe but on Monday, July 7, I will have been with the sheriff dept for one full year.
E didn't run me off......came close, but no cigar.
GOOD FOR ME....and thank you, Lord, for never letting me do what I wanted to do and helping me do what I should.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Sunday, June 29, 2008
12:03:19 AM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
FASTING - what a topic
To be a Christian means to be lifted out of the old humanity of Adam to the new humanity of Christ. No man is forced to accept Christ in his life any more than the Blessed Virgin was forced to bear Him. The life of Christ within us is free and consultative. - Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen
******************************************8
Ok - so that silly Stacy (our RCIA Director at St Joseph's) says to me in an email I got TODAY: will you talk about Fasting on Monday night?
Apparently, Nutri Systems does not count.
Well, I am no dummy....I went right to a great source for a solid definition: Father Hardon's Modern Catholic Dictionary. I sent her the definition and said, "Print it up, Sistah!".
So what is fasting?
Well, it is a practice used by our Elder Brothers and Sisters in the Faith and continued by the first Christians as a form of penance. One makes a decision to impose limits on the kind or the quantity of food or drink as a way of showing Jesus how sorry one is for their own sins or for the sins of the world. In the early Church there was less formal precept and so a huge variety of custom, but in general fasting was much more severe then than it is today. The ancient custom in the Latin Church of celebrating Mass in the evening during Lent, for instance, was partly due to the fact that in many places the first meal of the day was not taken before sunset.
The modern Church regulations on fasting, until 1966, prescribed taking only one full meal a day, along with some food for breakfast and a collation. Days of fast and abstnence were Ash Wednesday, the Fridays and Saturdays of Lent, Ember days and the vigils of certain feasts. Days of fast only were the rest of the days of Lent, except Sundays and special indults affected different nations and were provided fo by canon law.
In 1966, with the begining of Paenitemini of Paul the VI, the meaning of the law of fasting remained, but the EXTENT of the obligation changed. The 'law of fasting allows only one full meal a day, but does not prohibit tajking some food iun the morning and evening while observing approved local custom as far as quantity and quality of food are concerned."
Today the prescribed days of fasting are Ash Wednesday and Good Friday but 'it is up to the bishops, gathered in their episcopal conferences, to establish the norms.....".
So, while fasting is still a form of penance, not all penance has to be fasting. For me, I still give up meat on Fridays because it is an 'easy' penance for me to remember. It probably sounds wimpy for me to put it that way; however, it allows me to view Fridays as a special liturgical day in my week and it reminds me that being a Catholic is more than simply Mass on Sundays and Confession once a month. It is a culture, a lifestyle and way to be viewed and to view.
And it is a way for me to be me, without apology.
CATHOLICS OUT LOUD - unite!!!!
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this
When John [the Baptist] was preaching the Lord's coming he was asked, "Who are you?" And he replied: "I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness." The voice is John, but the Lord "in the beginning was the Word." John was a voice that lasted only for a time; Christ, the Word in the beginning, is eternal. - Saint Augustine of Hippo (354-430)
I had blogged earlier but it never showed up here. I don't know why. Rest assured I am alive and well and starting back on regular graveyard schedule tonight. I am going back to bed right now. I just wanted to say one thing.
I made it.
This has been a helluva 9 months. I have learned, grown and almost conquered. I think I finally am a supervisor.
And a damn good one.
Keep me in your prayers. St Therese and St Michael the Archangel have come through for me in a big big way - but not as much as all of you.
Thank you, my friends.
Just a short note about the recent ramblings by Nancy Pelosi quoted in the media.
Mrs. Pelosi cites St Augustine of Hippo when she tries to equivicate as to when life begins according to the teachings of the Holy Mother Church. I understand her dilemna more than most as it was once the very thing I struggled with myself. I could hate abortion, but did I have a right to deny a legal abortion to a woman who does not share my faith?
That has long been resolved in my mind. I leave Mrs. Pelosi with this thought: Yes, St Augustine struggled with the idea of when the human soul enters the body. His conclusions were that the human soul enters the body of a MALE child before it enters the body of a FEMALE child.
If he was right about that, Nancy, then your idea that he may have been right with the rest of this thesis is correct.
And somehow, I don't think she would agree with him on this point.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Sunday, August 3, 2008
11:59:43 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Hot August Nights
Back to work tonight.
Last week was very interesting. I must have grown spiritually while at Franciscan University. I let E tease me and did not over react. Good for me. That is one of my failings, especially when I do not trust someone. It was not difficult to do and it helped her. She needs to be able to give people a bad time once in awhile; I think we all do. Just as it is impossible for me to be wrong 100% of the time it is impossible for her to be an ass 100% of the time.
We had to counsel two employees regarding office gossip. It didn't go as well as I would have liked but they both understand that neither she nor I will allow people to drag others through the mud simply because someone has their nose out of joint about overtime, or because they don't like someone's new job assignment and feel slighted. Tough. If you are upset or angry or feeling blue, take it to your friends OUTSIDE of the office. Do not cause problems in the workplace because you think someone is getting preferential treatment but do not have the guts to make a formal complaint about it.
One clerk responded really well and vowed to do her best to be more cooperative and more of a team player. The other sat there like a stone statue and refused to engage. Oh well. That's life.
We begin a new session of RCIA tomorrow night and I am looking forward to class beginning. I love teaching the Faith, love seeing all those eager faces and knowing that people are genuinely looking for a way to relate to God. But I am going to miss seeing Joe Barratt. He was such an asset. I know now, of course, that he is going to be even more help....he is a much more powerful intercessor now. But I will still miss him.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own
Sunday, July 27, 2008
10:24:33 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
LET THE GAMES BEGIN
Tonight I go back to work after 2 weeks of vacation. Oh, woe is me. Yes, yes I know...I know I should be grateful to have a job and blah blah blah. Still, if I am going to be honest then I have to admit that I LOVED being away from the office for the past 14 days. It was wonderful.
Part of the wonderful was attending the Bosco Conference. It truly is a way to feel renewed and re-energized, spiritually and physically, because it is five days with like-minded people. We were all there for one reason; that is to become better at doing what we do, which is teach the Faith. However, there is more to it than just learning. It is a way to connect with my brothers and sisters in Christ, to connect with people who care more about what God wants them to do than what the world wants them to do and it is a way to practice our Faith in a practical, meaningful manner that gives us joy and Him the glory.
I also got to spend five days going to meetings, dropping back into the middle of AA in a way I am not able to do now because of the job and the long commute. It was so much fun. I saw old friends and made new ones and I still talk way too long in meetings so I am glad I am not inflicting myself on them all the time.
Tonight I am going to haul my butt out of bed at half-past midnight, get into the shower, get dressed and have a cuppa joe before heading out the door to my job. My little badge fastened onto my lapel, my Rosary CD in hand, I am ready to try and maintain the level of professionalism I hit on my last day there two weeks ago. Sure, winning the lotto would have been nice but it did not happen...so before I turn in for the night I am going to have one last smoke and then go night night.
I have nothing on the agenda this week except my meeting on Wed night. I love that group. We got a new guy in last week, he was 4 or 5 days sober when he showed up, and our former newest member (who was celebrating over 100 days sober that same night) 12 stepped him with such love and compassion it brought tears to my eyes. To watch God work in our lives....it is amazing.
I do have one more thing to share. At the conference, it was suggested that a prayer to the Holy Spirit to act upon us outside of time and space to heal all the wounds we have had inflicted upon us (and those we caused ourselves) at the moment they occurred be prayed by all of us present. The suggestion was a real gift given to us out of love. I am praying that prayer now for myself, so that I can be a better supervisor, employee, daughter, aunt and spiritual mother. I am also praying that prayer for those in my family, friends of mine and those who see me as the enemy. I see how we drag our pasts around like the proverbial albatross and the dead carcasses stink up the place. Perhaps, a little supernatural love and grace is what we all need.
Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your people. Enkindle in them the fire of Your Love. Heal their hearts and souls, from the moment the wounds appeared, so that we may be of better service to each other, to our country, to the world and to You, Lord.
amen.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Saturday, July 26, 2008
2:32:09 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Loving in the Face of Hatred
There are moments in life of special importance such as when the Lord shows us the way to be followed and then leaves it up to our will to respond. - Blessed Margarita de Maturana (1884-1934)
Professor PZ Meyer claims on his blog to have descrated a consecrated Host by driving a nail through it. He provides pictures. Comments on his blog are vile and nasty and horrible attacks against the Catholic Church and organized religions of all faith beliefs. He is quite proud of himself for being the 'bearer of reason' against those people who 'worship a g...d....cracker'.
When I first was made aware of Professor Myers behavior and his claims that he has received death threats as a result of his actions, I could not pin point my emotional response. Anger was in there, of course, as was sadness and disbelief. I find it so very sad that in this country that I love, someone would be allowed to freely make a mockery of that which I hold dearer than my own life - The Eucharist - and be able to do so under the guise of free speech. I know that if he had made such a display about people that are of African descent or of other ethnic origins the mainstream media would have villified him. On the other hand, isn't it nice that no one paid him much mind - that he was, essentially, ignored by the national news because what he is doing is so hatefilled and so outside the pale in terms of American sensibility that no one wants to give him the time of day? He has been relegated to the status of those who meet in the basement of homes, put on white sheets and Nazi arm bands, and rail about the horrible state of the world because of the presence of subhuman species.....they are ignored until what they believe infringes upon my rights as an average American. They do not get to prevent me from having access to schools, to medical care, to purchasing necessities for my children because I am an Italian Catholic. If, however, they want to spew hatred and ridiculous ideals in those dark little basements then go ahead, buck-a-roo, have at it. There is no law that prevents you from being an idiot by choice.
I am also very grateful for people like Bill Donahue of the Catholic League that bring the violation of tax-supported universities to the attention of officials. He did so in this case, so that blog links were removed and the University of Minnesota's president was forced to make a statement that disavowed Professor Myers behavior as not being representative of that educational institution's basic mission statement. No one should feel threatened on their campus because they are faithful Catholics who believe 100% in the Real Presence. No one should be forced to endure this man's political and anti-religious tirades in order to take a class necessary for graduation in a specific field. Anyone harmed by this man's behavior should be able to seek redress through the proper channels.
What I needed to do was think through what the proper response to blasphemy is for a Catholic. And the proper response is Love.
As the site Inside Catholic stated, what would happen if 1000 people showed up outside Prof Myers home or classroom and recited the Rosary for his salvation and forgiveness? What would happen if for every nasty, vile and disgusting name he called us we responded with "We love you and pray that you find Truth before you leave this world?". What would happen if the entire world saw that our response to being attacked (for when Jesus is attacked, all Christians are attacked - we are the Body of Christ) was to turn to our attacker and say, "I know you are wounded. We are too. We pray you find the answer to your wounds in His Wounds, as we have done?"
I'm sure that Prof Myers would not be impressed at first, yet I cannot help but think about people like Dr Anthony Flew, the standard bearer for atheism in the scientific community for over 60 years who experienced a conversion to Truth in his 80's and had the courage to write a book about it. He did so in spite of being attacked by former proteges, some who had the audacity to suggest that he was suffering from dementia when he wrote the book There is (no) A God simply because he no longer agreed with them.
I know what it is like to live in darkness for a long, long time. I also know that it is those who live in that darkness that Christ wants the most - it is the lost sheep that the Shepherd went to find. And I also know that if, as a member of His Body, I am called to be like Him it is those souls I am called to search out, to minister to, to help and to Love.
Being a Catholic was not easy in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Centuries. We were beaten, tortured and murdered for entertainment. We were forced to celebrate the Eucharist underground amidst decaying bodies for fear of being killed on the spot. We were accused of being cannibals because we accepted whole-heartedly the command of Jesus Christ to eat His Body and drink His Blood. On the excavated ruins of the Roman Forum is ancient graffiti making fun of our beliefs - a picture of a man with the head of an ass hanging from a cross, the words 'god of the christians' written below it.
Today we face the same type of trials. Will we be driven underground for our beliefs? Perhaps. But what we know is that Jesus promised us that the gates of hell would not prevail against His Bride, The Church...so if we are, it will be up to people like me - normal, average, weak and imperfect - to remember from whence we come, that we stand on the shoulders of giants and that no matter what anyone says about us, we are ok.
May Prof Myers find the error of his ways. May he find his way to the Truth that lights the Way to eternal life. May he be drawn to Him who loves even those who hate Him.
In His Name, I pray.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own
Monday, July 21, 2008
10:58:50 AM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Rushing to the Father
I arrived home last night from Steubenville, Ohio after 5 days of study at Franciscan University. I sorted through my email and found that my Godson, James, has had a wonderful write up in a video game/computer periodical about a new game he authored (Fracture). It got me thinking about the theme of the conference being Your Kingdom Come. And that makes perfect sense, doesn't it? The creation of a video game with its virtual reality, its boundaries and its limitations leading one to think about He who created the Universe and How you cannot have a theology that is just Jesus and me....it you do, you leave out the most important part of the equation....The Trinity....The Father.
My friend Patty is writing a series on her blog (see the link to the side here) about the damage it does to children to have a father who is sick or insane or monstrous. Senator Obama's demand of men of color to stop allowing the actions of those who are immoral to define them - to become true FATHERS - caused a supposed Christian man of God to express a desire to have Senator Obama castrated. Patty's story of incest and denial has caused her brother, another well-known man of God, to threaten her with legal action. We are touchy on this subject, are we not? We get a little angry, a little defensive....for women who grew up proud to own a t-shirt that proclaimed that they needed a man like a fish needed a bicycle, it is embarrassing to discover that a bad relationship with the man who helped to create them may mean an inability to relate well to the world as a whole. And men, grown men trying desperately to find their way and be what God intended them to be, find that without a role model upon which to pattern their behavior they flounder.
Dr Petroc Willey, a convert to the Faith and the foremost expert on the use of the Catholic Catechism (promulgated in 1992 under the auspices of JPII) spoke to the idea of claiming our inheritence as Children of the Holy Trinity. He cautioned us to never leave the concept of the True God out of the whole - it cannot be just Jesus and me as that speaks solely to only one Person of God. He called it the 'Islamicization of Christianity', this forgetting that God is Three Divine Persons, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and without an organic approach to God we are in danger of reducing our understanding to that of 'there is no God but.....'. I was struck by that - the fact that we, as Catholic Christians, approach God differently, we have a different mind set, a different culture, and different way of looking at the necessity of Holy Scripture, Authority, and the Bride of Christ. We also, if we are truly holding fast to the Faith, have to have a different way of looking at The Father.
He is all-powerful, all knowing and all about loving us so much that He had to create us...has to create us still, for it is He who knits us together in our mother's wombs. It is He who breathes life into us, allowing us to develop and grow in such a way that we yearn for Him...and it is this yearning that the secular world tells us is unseeming, is silly, is superstitious, is comical...and when we believe that lie (fathered, as it is, by the Father of All Lies), we begin to lose our way. We fracture. We become angry and bitter and unable to truly bond with anyone - even with our own children because we see them as something to 'do' and then 'let go' so we can 'have our own lives'. We believe that we cannot love or nurture THEM unless OUR needs are fullfilled, thereby turning our backs on the very essence of the divine that is within each of us - the ability to create life, to nurture and love it and sacrifice for it...to put ourselves aside, so that they might live.
Barbara Morgan, founder of the St John Bosco Conference, urged us all to 'rush to the Father'.
St Therese of Liseux was all over the place this weekend, as might be expected as she is the Doctor of the Church, the Doctor of the Father (so to speak). When she was asked by her Carmelite Sisters what she would do if she committed a mortal sin she stated that she would run to her Father, throw herself into His lap, look up into His eyes and beg His forgiveness.
"And He would have to forgive me", she said, 'because He loves me so".
May we all rush to Our Father today, promise to do His Will not for our glory or ease but for HIS....so that His Kingdom may be made more perfect here on earth and He may come.
St Therese, pray for us.
St John Bosco, thank you.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Saturday, July 12, 2008
10:29:19 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Shame of Bigotry
http://www.catholicleague.org/release.php?id=1459
The above link will take you to a shocking news story. University of Minnesota professor Paul Zachary Myers has put out a call for someone to 'score' him a Consecrated Host so that he could publically desecrate it. Apparently, he is angry that the Catholic League criticized a student at the University of Florida for taking a Host at communion and 'holding it hostage' for several days.
I am shocked beyond belief.
This type of bigotry and hatred, if directed against any other religious group in America, would be front page news, carried on CNN, be the subject of speeches and angry denunciation by Presidential Candidates from BOTH parties.
Here, because it is about Catholics and about (as the professor stated) ' a g....d.....cracker' the only people willing to stand up and say, "You do NOT get to do this" are individual Catholics alerted to this horror through word of mouth and the internet.
If this type of hatred and threat was directed against any of our service men and women, the entire country would be up in arms.
If this professor had stated he was going to take the effigy of an African-American and burn it on the front steps of the state capitol, the howls of protest would be deafening.
Here, in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. founded in a Declaration and a Constitution that is designed to allow religious freedom to all Americans......nothing.
At this very moment, I am ashamed to be an American.
But I am proud to be a Catholic....and today, at morning Mass, in honor of my friend Joe and the shoulders of the saints and martyrs who have gone before me, I offered the graces of the Sacrament for the soul of Professor Paul Zachary Myers, University of Minnesota, Morris.
May Our Lady change his heart and St Joseph protect the Christ Child now, as he did here on earth.
amen.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own
Friday, July 11, 2008
7:38:17 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Personal Loss, Personal Gain and the Victory of Christ
Yesterday, my friend Joe Barratt passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack. I was shocked. I am still heartbroken. My grief for his wife, Annie, is immeasurable at this moment. It felt like I had lost my father all over again - and I need to tell you why.
I met Joe and Ann while on the trip to the Holy Land 2 years ago. They took me and my friend Giselle under their wings. We travelled as a mini-pack and one of the highlights of the trip for us was when the four of us visited the Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem together.
The museum is an amazing testimony to the sufferings of the Jewish people, especially during the Nazi era. However, there is an attempt by the museum to offer a glimpse of anti-semitism throughout the ages which features some out of context quotations from the writings of the Early Church Fathers (in particular, St Augustine). It also has an exhibit which perpetuates the myth of Pope Pius the 12th's 'complicity' in the Holocaust of WWII. While I would be the last person to claim the Church has been free of this horrible form of prejudice against God's Chosen People, there are some 'claims' made against Her that are, simply, false. It does not lessen our complicity as Catholics to attone for the wrongs done to our Elder Siblings in the Faith - but it also makes it important for us as Catholics Out Loud to speak up whenever necessary to set the record straight and clear.
I stood before that exhibit with a myriad of emotions. I know we are supposed to be ready to defend our Faith at a moments notice, but how exactly does one 'raise a fuss' (out of love, of course) in the Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem?
It was Joe, while standing next to me with a sad look on his face, who put it perfectly: He said to me in a whisper, "I guess this is one of those times we are supposed to just forgive".
Many of us grew up with less than stellar fathers. I am one of those people. I know having a 'bad' father damaged me. Meeting people like Joe, and other fine men in the parish, has done much to facilitate feelings of forgiveness and reconcilliation within my own heart. Yesterday, I had the privilige of thanking Joe's daughter Allison for sharing her father with me. Because of men like Joe, I was able to have a tangible, real example of what a holy man can be as a father.
Any of you men who ever think that you are unappreciated for the sacrifices you make to be 'Catholics Out Loud', to be holy, to be good and strong men of faith, please know that you are being watched and loved by someone else's daughter, somone who (for whatever reason) was not able to do what you are doing. Joe was one of those types of men - and I loved him.
May his soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
On a good note, yesterday and today I put into practice the techniques taught to me in San Diego during an attempt by E to start a big fight. What was interesting to watch was the predictions of the teachers I had come true, one by one.
I was told that my job during these discussions would be to keep my voice low, stick only to facts and to keep the conversation on track in terms of only discussing the topic at hand.
I was also told that the first few times I do this with a perpetrator, whether they be a subordinate, a peer or a member of upper management, it would be very uncomfortable. Tough. Do it anyway.
I was told the following would happen:
1. the person would attack my character/behavior - seperate from the issue at hand. Sure enough, two minutes into the discussion of E's refusal to honor my request for some time to process some information before we talked about it - she told me that the real problem is me being over emotional and incapable of handling criticism. I took a deep breath and said, "Be that as it may, we are not talking about me. We are talking about you asking me if I needed to talk to you and me telling you that I could not do so at this moment, but if you would please give me some time I would be able to before I leave for the day. I also told you that I wanted to discuss a deposit not showing up on a log when I looked it up, appearing on that same log when you had logged on to the computer and looked it up, and my concern that the log was being manipulated and its possible lack of integrity in terms of security".
2. the person would bring up something I had done in the past where I had been clearly in the wrong. E said to me, "Oh and I suppose you did not overreact and get overly emotional with me three months ago when we had that argument out there in front of everyone". I responded with, "That was three months ago. It has been dealt with and is no longer an issue. Today we are discussing your inability to respect my request to give me some time to think a problem through, that problem being - specifically - my inability to locate a deposit on the log and your ability to do so after you had logged onto the computer. My concern is that the log is being manipulated and it may have had its security compromised".
3. the person will accuse me of thinking I am better than they are. E said to me, "Stop trying to Lord it over me". I said, "I am not Lording it over you, E. I am speaking to you as an equal. And I am speaking to you of what happened today, which was your inability to respect my request....etc etc etc."
4. (and finally) the person will claim that everyone else thinks just like she does about me and that no one likes me or respects me and my job is in jeopardy. E said, "Well, everyone out there (pointing to the staff in general) hates the way you talk to them. They have made several complaints to V about you and she is going to address those with you when she gets back from vacation:. I said, in response, "If V has received complaints about my management style, it is her job to address those complaints and talk to me about them. It is not YOUR job to do so. We are not talking about that - we are talking about what happened today...which was......blah blah blah".
I kept my voice low, my demeanor calm, and I would not allow her to goad me into any kind of fight over something weird and trivial. I did not fall for any of her bait and switch tactics. She was so pissed. I finally said, "Now, we have discussed the following..." and she said, "I don't want to hear this all again" and I said, "I do". She snapped, "Send it to me in an email". I said, "No." and then I recapped the discussion and the conclusions that were reached, which were she needs to respect my requests for space when they are made, she is not allowed to evaluate anything about me other than my work and she will consider the possibility that the log may have been temporarily tampered with OR that a computer glitch had caused some information to disappear and reappear. At the end of the discussion, I said, "Now, is there anything else you would like to say?" She snapped, "NO" and I smiled and said, "Then please have a good afternoon and I will see you tomorrow".
I was not done yet.
Iwent into work last night at 11:30pm to talk with the swing shift and the graveyard shift. I made a little speech. It went like this: "I want you all to know that I have a deep appreciation for your job skills, your knowledge and your dedication to the unit. I have an ever deeper gratitude for the fact that you have been generous and kind with me when sharing that knowledge. I have learned a great deal in the one year I have been a supervisor here. I know that my success has been predicated upon the good teachers I have had - and those teachers are you.. It has been brought to my attention that I have been speaking to you in a manner that some have found offensive, and that complaints have been lodged against me with V. I want you all to know that I am very sorry if I have said or done anything to offend you, that my use of pet names and terms of endearment is a bad habit I am determined to break if it makes you all uncomfortable. I will be back from vacation on July 28, rested and ready to learn some more. I want your help in breaking this habit. If you hear me call anyone 'sweetheart' you have my permission to nudge me and say, "you're doing it again, stop it'."
Later, I called individuals into my office (E saw me doing this) shut the door and told them the same kind of thing in a more personal manner behind closed doors. Here are some of the comments that were made:
"you are a class act"
"you are the only person in 4 years who has ever treated us like human beings"
"you are intelligent and good at what you do"
"someday you will be running your own department"
and finally, my favorite,
What idiot told you we didn't like the way you talked to us? (my reply was that the person who gave me the information wanted me to succeed and has only my best interests at heart. I said this because E had parked herself outside the door of the office (cubicle, really) and was trying to listen to what was being said inside.
God has given me spiritual muscles, as Debbie would say. I have grown. I finally FINALLY behaved like a woman of grace and dignity.
Thank you, St Joe Barratt, for praying for me.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
9:09:15 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Lord help me sleep
I cannot sleep. If I do not fall asleep soon I will get less than 6 hours sleep before I go back to work. I want to just scream. My brain will not shut off. I am unsure if I put the warrant validatin list in Sheena's box too late or if I sent the right list up to FOB and my neck hurts and I just cannot stop thinking. I hate this - occasionally I struggle with insominia and it always brings to mind those old AA jokes the oldtimers tell: The newcomer comes into a meeting and says, "I've been sober for a month and I cannot sleep!" And one of the oldtimers will growl, "No one ever died from lack of sleep". The newcomer looks at him with blood shot eyes and says, "Has anyone ever died from saying no one ever died from lack of sleep?".
I went to the doctor yesterday and I am officially down 52 pounds. Which means I am only a little fatter than I should be rather than clinically obese. Goody for me. I cannot even take any pleasure in that - I just want to sleep, and I want my neck to stop hurting and my knee to stop swelling.
It is horribly hot and smoky in the bay area...not just the valley but the whole dang bay area. Martinez, usually the recipient of pleasant Delta breezes and winds off the San Francisco Bay is just gray and hot and icky. It looks like the Central Valley does - and it is depressing and makes me want to go to the ocean, but Big Sur and Santa Barbara are on fire so it would be smoky there too.
Oh woe is me.
Anyway, I better shut up and try to sleep. I even tried praying and my prayers go like this:
In the Name of the Father and of the (should Sheena have gotten that list or should I have waited to give it to her when I came in this morning?) Son and of the Holy Spirit.
Our Father, who aren't in (who is working tonight? Is Vicki working? ) heaven, Hallowed be thy name (that doesn't look like a motion to quash, it looks like a regular objection. I think we need to let Zandonella know there has been an objection), Thy Kingdom come (if I wear a skirt I have to wear nylons and it is too hot for nylons) Thy Will be done on earth (did I overspend at Walgreens?) as it is in heaven (my leg and hip are aching...do I need to tell the doctor? No he'll make me get x-rays and I hate that because someone will want to replace something and I don't have the time). Give us this day, our daily Bread, and forgive us our trespasses (she is such a dirt bag....treating the deputy like that, what is her problem?) as we forgive those (except for her, she's just nuts) who trespass against us...and lead us not into temptation (God, I want chocolate) but deliver us from evil (will the Niners play a decent season?). Amen.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Saturday, July 5, 2008
9:58:05 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
A Fourth of July
What a nice weekend. Shoot, what a nice week. I found my ability to stand up for myself without causing me to behave in a foolish, mean or emotional manner. The training I went through that week in San Diego has given me new confidence and now I need to concentrate on not taking inordinate glee in the discomfort this confidence causes E. She needs our prayers and our support. This is a very troubled woman. God save me from thinking "neener neener neener".
We got to spend the day with Trace and Deana and Caitria and it was so much fun. I just love that group. They are funny and bright and it is so NICE to have a conversation with people who use their heads for something besides holding their ears apart. I say that with love, of course. It is also nice because the brother is in the 'don't invite them to do anything' stage of his latest relationship (we have been through this before so we knew it was coming) and the 'she can't come, she is sick' stage as well.
I always check my own behavior when this starts to happen. Afterall, there are some constants in these equations and I am one of them. SO, I ask myself "am I being overly sensitive or have I done anything to make them not want me around?'. For once, because of the life I now lead, I can say with confidence "Oh maybe, but that's tough...no one is perfect and they need to lighten up".
We did get to take Jillian to the 4th of July parade downtown in Modesto yesterday. It was really nice. This was the first real live parade she had ever seen outside of those perfect ones done at Disneyland - and listen, I have nothing against those parades but there is something about sitting on a sidewalk in your home town watching grown men wearing really silly hats drive tiny clown cars around in circles that no child should miss.
I also got to spend time today in the Adoration Chapel.
There is a comfort received from sitting quietly in the Presence of Our Lord that is difficult to describe. I feel, at times, that He is speaking to me with such clarity. I know that I cannot control what goes on around me but can control my reactions to things and I can continue to live my life, to the best of my ability, according to Truth. To know that I sit in His Presence, that He has not left me an orphan and that the graces I receive from Him are real weapon against depression, anxiety, fear and anger - how wonderful that is! Even when I feel alone I know that my feelings are not reality - I am not alone. I am with Him, every breath I take.
This is the Year of St. Paul - which is going to be very interesting. Lots of learning, lots of stuff coming up. I look forward to going back on my regular graveyard schedule and it is hard to believe but on Monday, July 7, I will have been with the sheriff dept for one full year.
E didn't run me off......came close, but no cigar.
GOOD FOR ME....and thank you, Lord, for never letting me do what I wanted to do and helping me do what I should.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Sunday, June 29, 2008
12:03:19 AM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
FASTING - what a topic
To be a Christian means to be lifted out of the old humanity of Adam to the new humanity of Christ. No man is forced to accept Christ in his life any more than the Blessed Virgin was forced to bear Him. The life of Christ within us is free and consultative. - Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen
******************************************8
Ok - so that silly Stacy (our RCIA Director at St Joseph's) says to me in an email I got TODAY: will you talk about Fasting on Monday night?
Apparently, Nutri Systems does not count.
Well, I am no dummy....I went right to a great source for a solid definition: Father Hardon's Modern Catholic Dictionary. I sent her the definition and said, "Print it up, Sistah!".
So what is fasting?
Well, it is a practice used by our Elder Brothers and Sisters in the Faith and continued by the first Christians as a form of penance. One makes a decision to impose limits on the kind or the quantity of food or drink as a way of showing Jesus how sorry one is for their own sins or for the sins of the world. In the early Church there was less formal precept and so a huge variety of custom, but in general fasting was much more severe then than it is today. The ancient custom in the Latin Church of celebrating Mass in the evening during Lent, for instance, was partly due to the fact that in many places the first meal of the day was not taken before sunset.
The modern Church regulations on fasting, until 1966, prescribed taking only one full meal a day, along with some food for breakfast and a collation. Days of fast and abstnence were Ash Wednesday, the Fridays and Saturdays of Lent, Ember days and the vigils of certain feasts. Days of fast only were the rest of the days of Lent, except Sundays and special indults affected different nations and were provided fo by canon law.
In 1966, with the begining of Paenitemini of Paul the VI, the meaning of the law of fasting remained, but the EXTENT of the obligation changed. The 'law of fasting allows only one full meal a day, but does not prohibit tajking some food iun the morning and evening while observing approved local custom as far as quantity and quality of food are concerned."
Today the prescribed days of fasting are Ash Wednesday and Good Friday but 'it is up to the bishops, gathered in their episcopal conferences, to establish the norms.....".
So, while fasting is still a form of penance, not all penance has to be fasting. For me, I still give up meat on Fridays because it is an 'easy' penance for me to remember. It probably sounds wimpy for me to put it that way; however, it allows me to view Fridays as a special liturgical day in my week and it reminds me that being a Catholic is more than simply Mass on Sundays and Confession once a month. It is a culture, a lifestyle and way to be viewed and to view.
And it is a way for me to be me, without apology.
CATHOLICS OUT LOUD - unite!!!!
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this
best I can do
Doggone these Saints anyway
Well, we (that is, us Niner fans) knew today would be a tough game but three interceptions, two in the end zone? AAUUUGGHHH!!!! Oh well, no matter what...my Niners - right or wrong, dumb or smart,winning or losing. I guess I will take heart that they are losing to The Saints - if we have to lose to someone, let it be a team from a city with more Eucharistic Adoration Chapels per square foot than any other city in the United States.
I just finished going over Ryan's geography papers. He has developed into a pretty good college paper writer - the hardest thing for him to learn, I think, is not to 'write like you talk'. He has to be a bit more scholarly in his approach.
Yesterday I found out that Melissa, the bride-to-be, will be a real asset to our family. She is sweet, she is funny, she is pretty and she is smart. What a great combination. She is the oldest of SIX KIDS....so I am hoping that at some point I will get to be a Godmother again. Who knows? Maybe I won't be The Last Catholic Standing - a game show I would not particularly like to win.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Saturday, September 27, 2008
1:50:53 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
I loves me some Catholics Out Loud
O my God! Source of all mercy! I acknowledge Your sovereign power. While recalling the wasted years that are past, I believe that You, Lord, can in an instant turn this loss to gain. Miserable as I am, yet I firmly believe that You can do all things. Please restore to me the time lost, giving me Your grace, both now and in the future, that I may appear before You in "wedding garments." Amen.
Saint Teresa of Avila
*******************************************
By the way - I have decided.
I am going to vote for Lee Anne for President, Patty Patrick for VP and then I will volunteer to be the Secretary of Defense, and we will attack Berkeley first.
Ok, so I am in a silly mood. BUT I am so grateful to have people like Lee Anne and Patty and Christine and Faye and Sarah and DJ and blah blah blah in my life. It dawned on me this morning during prayers (and before my meeting) that I have to ask Stacey and Neil to be my medical directive people so I have someone who is really Catholic willing to stand between me and doctors who hear me cough and want to kill me.
I am going to a wedding shower this morning. I am wearing an outfit I bought on a wing and a prayer a month ago but could not button. I am wearing shoes with a heal and my toes do not hurt. I am wearing big girl jewelry and I have put on eye make up.
I am a grown up this morning.
Holy mackeral.....
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
10:03:27 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Discouraging Days in Politics
My past, O Lord, to your mercy; my present, to your love; my future, to your Providence!
St. Padre Pio
*****************************************************************
Ok, here's the thing.
I do not like the choices presented to me this year in regards to Presidential candidates.
I do not like Senator Obama's voting record on 'reproductive rights', especially in light of the newest report that states that abortion among WHITE women has fallen 33% but among women of COLOR it has risen.
This is playing right into the hands of the 'only certain people should have children' mindset of Planned Parenthood and other 'pro death' movements and I want to scream.
Only 2 generations ago, my family had been relegated to the group that should not have any more children and if a certain doctor in the Diablo Valley had had his way neither my mother, me, my brother or his three children would be here today.
I am not impressed with Sarah Palin because I think her religious philosophy is goofy, she left the EUCHARIST so she could find some place 'more Biblical' (huh?) and she was the mayor of a small town that charged women for the rape kits they used and now claims she did not know anything about it. That would be like the Mayor of Modesto (which is a bigger place) pretending he knew nothing about a meth lab in the basement of the police station.
Not that there is a meth lab in the basement of the police station but you know what I mean.
Senator McCain is a hothead who backs deregulation which has ruined our economy and should result in mass jailings and executions of all those thieves who ran good companies into the ground and walking away with 40 or 50 million dollars.
However, Senator McCain stands up for LIFE and believes in the protection of the human person from conception to natural death.
I have to vote. As a Catholic, I am required to participate in public life and to vote for the candidate most likely to add to the common good. As our Bishops have said (UCCSB), how can you trust a candidate to work for the common good when that candidate attacks life at its most vulnerable times - and would put more protections in place for the egg of a California Condor than the eggs of a woman?
So, what am I going to do?
Probably throw my vote away but be able to sleep at night. Probably throw my vote away but be able to worthily receive the Eucharist without a twinge. Probably throw my vote away but be able to stand before Jesus Christ and say, "I voted with my Guardian Angel standing next to me, Lord...because I did not want to disappoint YOU".
I think we need to start encouraging more good men and women to run for public office. And no, I am not one of them - with my background and past the hyenas would have a field day. Alcoholic? Abortions? Drug Use? Lives with her MOTHER?????
To even have to worry about this kind of stuff astonishes me. I cannot believe that people are fooled by the 'we are preserving a woman's right to her own body' argument after all these years. I also think it is sad that an obviously bright man with a good future has fallen for the same line of thinking.....forgetting that if his mother, an unwed woman pregnant with a Black man's baby in the 1960's had done what society had wanted her to do, he would not be here today. Forgetting the courage it took for her and her family to say, "I loved this man and I love this child and I don't care what the neighbors say I am having this baby".
Someone said to me last night, "What about the 75 thousand abortions that happened every year when it was illegal?". I asked her where she had gotten those figures and she said, "Someone told me". "Did you ask them how they were able to come up with figures on something supposedly done in secret, in back alleys, with coat hangers? Are you saying that 75 thousand women DIED every year from illegal abortions?". Well, no...she wasn't saying that, but here was a bright woman being educated at a University and it had never dawned on her to ask the person giving her the information where they had gotten it. I gave her several websites - a few non-Catholic so she can't call me a religious fanatic - and told her to call me anytime.
I have to start getting ready for work.
I love my country - but I am so disappointed.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Sunday, September 21, 2008
5:26:06 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
What a WEEK that WAS
I got through last week with its strange time schedules and CLEARS meeting...but apparently, my allergies have caused a slight sinus infection. Now, normally this would not mean much except for two thing: a) I have RA, which means I am on immune suppressing drugs and b) the slight sinus back up has caused me to have conjunctivitis in my left eye.
So, after Mass I was at Kaiser (had to get my appointment so it would not interfere with the two important parts of Sunday - Mass and Football) and I am off duty per the doctor for 24 hours. I left my message for V and called into the gang at work to tell them not to worry about me being there tonight. E does not have a working computer at home, apparently, but I am going to send an email to both her accounts anyway. Why?
Because it is the right thing to do.
The Niners are rewarding me for taking care of myself properly by being ahead 21 to 3 before the half.
I got to go to Mass celebrated by Father Larry today. I just love this guy - he is such a practical, grandfatherly type of priest. He is the Chaplain for all the hospitals which is probably why he is such a sweetheart. Anyone who can become my 87 year old mother's 'favorite' priest has to have a solid Catholic practicality about him. He understands what it is like to have to cut onions for 10 cents a bucket in order to earn money for school clothes and yet he also tells the story of his granfather saying to him, "Mijo, do you like this work?"
"Oh, it's ok, Poppy".
"Si? You want to do this for the rest of your life?"
"No, Poppy..I don't think so".
"Good, " he told the future-priest. "Remember, a book is lighter to carry than a bucket of onions".
I laughed. It is important to remember from where I came - from people who were willing to tie bandanas around their heads and chop onions or pick apricots in order to have shoes to wear to school. It is also important for me to remember that they were proud to work, but aware that there is a better way of life available to people willing to open a book and learn something.
I am also grateful for the Gospel message of today. The workers hired by the landowner at the end of the day got the same reward as those who started at the crack of dawn. It reminds me that though I got off the path for many years and was walking towards hell in the name of freedom, I can rejoice in being on the right path now. Oh, I still have to watch my step and I have to be very grateful to those who never waivered - they kept the home fires burning for me to be able to find my way Home - but I do not have to feel 'less than' those who have been doing this Catholic Thing without fail. Instead, I can be grateful that the 'Landowner' sees me as just as important as any of His other workers....that the gift of Faith He bestowed upon me is the same quality as that which He gave to the saints of my time. I do not have to think of myself as the stepchild...I am a fully adopted Child of Light. The Eucharist is for me, too.
And, like the grandfather told Father Larry, the burden I carry today is lighter....it is still something that has to be carried, but sin is the heaviest burden in the world - even if a person spends most of their time denying its weight, it still drags them down.
Thank you, to all those who held up the Light for me to see. Without you I would have never found my way home.
GO NINERS!!!!
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
9:27:40 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Fathers and Life
Sweet Lord, you are meek and merciful. Who would not give himself wholeheartedly to your service, if he began to taste even a little of your fatherly rule? - Saint Robert Bellarmine (1542-1621)
Last night, at RCIA, I taught on the Catholic doctrines of Justification and Merit. We have a HUGE class right now, and most of those in the class come to us from a Protestant or Evangelical background. It is refreshing to teach these people. They are hungry. They have the gift of Faith and they treasure it, guard it, nuture it. I have been able to teach much but learn more because they come in with eyes wide in anticipation - they have been taught well, but not in a complete way, and to see them start to just come alive with ideas and attitudes and, well....JOY.
I do not mean to imply that they were unhappy before - many of them are simply building on the joy that was theirs when they walked through the doors of St Joseph's. In fact, we have to remind them that The Church is perfect, Her members are not and to be wary of that 'pink cloud' many people early in substance abuse recovery experience. Everyone in their 12 Step program is wonderful - honest, hardworking, relying solely upon a Higher Power to get them through the day - and then the first time someone steals their wallet during a meeting they are crushed. If they have been given a strong foundation, they get angry, sad, laugh it off and stay sober and active. If their spiritual house has been built on sand, they go for a bottle.
The same holds true for Catholics. If someone new sticks only to Catholic Radio (Immaculate Heart Radio - 1230 on the AM dial!) or EWTN they will get the idea that we are all skipping merrily on the path to heaven; accepting our sufferings, confessing our sins and never wanting to stop our cars in the middle of the freeway, get out and yell "BUT WHAT ABOUT ME???" at the top of our lungs. Then the first time we run into a Kerry Kennedy, a Nancy Pelosi or that mean secretary down at the Parish Office, we want to chuck it all and run down the street to the Big Giant Grace Cathedral of The Wonderkids, embrace the health and wealth gospel and enjoy the better music.
I recently told Ryan ('my' eldest) that it was time for him to start developing a deeper prayer life. He wants to go into Law Enforcement so he has a wonderful Patron Saint to call upon - the Prince of the Heavenly Host himself; St Michael the Archangel. I reminded him that his father has done much to improve himself over the years; however, the bottom line is that he left his Catholic Faith and has been floundering morally ever since, unsure and defensive and convinced that if he just keeps trying harder he can 'do it' (whatever 'it' might be).
The love of a Father for a child is unique. For girls it gives us a compass to use for future relationships with me. For boys, that love can demonstrate to them true strength - the kind of strength that does not bend in times of stress and does not give into the prevailing fashion in an effort to be considered 'cool'. A real father does not mind being told, occasionally, that they are hated by their offspring, or that they are unfair or unfeeling or uncaring or 'un' -whatever, because they know that ultimately the fruits of holding fast to objective, moral Truth will come to fruition.
God's time is not my time. I know that I would love to see my brother fully reconciled with God before our mother leaves this earth. I also know that what I want is not always what is best for the world...and so, if God's plan is perfect then I must be willing to trust in Him.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Saturday, September 13, 2008
11:56:44 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
St Therese and St Cecilia - Tough Church Cookies
My patron saint is St Cecilia. I picked her when I was to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation because she is the patron saint of music. However, once you learn her story you realize she should be the patron saint of very tough cookies.
Tortured at the hands of the Romans, she hung on for 3 days after being struck a horrible blow to her neck. During that time, she willed her beautiful home to The Church, forgave her murderers, received the Eucharist for the last time and then 'died'. However, her body was discovered during excavations of the Catacombs outside Rome and it was, because of the volcanic rock and conditions of the soil, perfectly preserved. The evidence suggests that she was buried alive...because she managed to hold her fingers in a sign that would indicate her devotion to the Holy Trinity. A plaster cast was made of her body before it could deteriorate and that is now in The Church of St Cecilia, under the altar, located in Rome.
St Therese, the Little Flower, was no push over either. She believed that every act we do, no matter how small, could be a perfect offering for Jesus. She also wrote that, if Jesus asked her to, she would be willing to spend eternity in Hell if it meant souls would be saved.
I thought of these two gals today as I ran after 7 year old Jillian at the Parish Festival. My back hurt, my knee is giving me trouble (I think some scar tissue has pulled lose and man it is bugging me - first time since the replacement, so I really cannot complain), I am stuffed up and I am exhausted (again) from working the Festival dinner last night, speaking in Lodi this morning and hitting the Festival again this afternoon. The first time I got to just sit and be quiet was before Vigil Mass this evening. Accompanying me to the Mass was Jillian and the fish she had 'won' at one of the carnival booths. After she had used up approximately 15.00 worth of ping pong balls to try and win a 35 cent fish, she had burst into tears because she couldn't get the ball into the cup.....and the lady in the booth gave her a fish.
Jillian named the fish Dinkleman (no, I do not know why) and then asked Father to Bless her fish after Mass.
The thought came to me that I have powerful allies in these two wonderful saints - tough cookies, both of them. St Therese send me roses all the time through other people and St Cecilia always has my back. We ended the festival with a final ride on the ferris wheel - the sun was going down and a full moon was coming up....and it was beautiful. All the lights on the other rides were being turned on, the wonderful sounds of the Mexican Music was wafting over the grounds and Jillian and I sang "Take me out to the Ball Park" for no apparent reason other than we both knew the words.
It was so much fun today.
Thank you, St Cecilia for encouraging me to trust that I have the physical strength to do the things I want to do.
Thank you, St Therese, for the gift of noticing the little fun things in life.
Thank you, Jesus, for another perfect day.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own
Thursday, September 4, 2008
5:52:09 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Passing of a Legend
I received this today from my friend, Jeff, in Turlock:
With sorrow at his passing but filled with joy at having known this grand man, I regretfully report to you that Muir “Easy” Edney of Montgomery, Alabama, completed his journey of 95 years peacefully this morning and left for the Big Meeting.
For the past few years, Easy Edney was the longest sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Easy got sober Nov. 15, 1942, in Jacksonville FL , and then moved back to his home of Montgomery where he helped start AA there. He knew Bill Wilson. Easy was in remarkably good shape to the end. He still attended meetings and sponsored a number of men until the last. I last saw him in April at the Alabama/NW Florida Area Assembly, which he faithfully attended over the years. Less well known is that Edney got his nickname “Easy” from his hobby as a pool shark. Easy was one of the 20th Century's greatest pool players, who successfully competed (sober!) against such legends as Willie Mosconi and Minnesota Fats. One of the great rewards of AA has been the opportunity to know individuals such as Easy. We shall miss him.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Sunday, August 31, 2008
2:08:56 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
DUPED AGAIN!
Reading 1
Jer 20:7-9
You duped me, O LORD, and I let myself be duped;
you were too strong for me, and you triumphed.
All the day I am an object of laughter;
everyone mocks me.
Whenever I speak, I must cry out,
violence and outrage is my message;
the word of the LORD has brought me
derision and reproach all the day.
I say to myself, I will not mention him,
I will speak in his name no more.
But then it becomes like fire burning in my heart,
imprisoned in my bones;
I grow weary holding it in, I cannot endure it.
***********************************************
I know what Jeremiah felt like, all those years ago.
Once someone has made the committment to no longer slink in the shadows or be quiet out of a misguided sense of polite decorum, the Lord works in ways that are wonderous and tough to handle. Making the committment ten years ago to return to worshipping Christ as the first Christians did it was difficult on a well-educated, Liberal-minded, Conservative Anarchist from Berkeley. Shoot, I'll take living in a tree to keep a stadium from being built any day (not really - frankly, I hate camping). Making the committment to be a Catholic Out Loud was even tougher, because people can get a little ticked off at generic Christians but they get downright nasty and insulting when someone says, "I am Catholic. I am proud to be Catholic. I now have a different way of viewing myself, my body, my mind and my heart because everything is about one thing - The Eucharist".
Oh the horror of being 'one of those'!
However, whenever I feel as though I am unable to carry the burden any longer, something happens to lift the load. Every time I think it would simply be so much easier to get along with some of the snarkier people in my life by agreeing and hanging my head in shame over the sinful actions of less than 10% of over 1 billion Catholics WORLDWIDE, someone taps me on the shoulder out of the blue and says, "Thank you for doing what I do not have the courage to do".
Today's readings from the Liturgy exposes the very struggles Catholics have with standing up for The Eucharist and proclaiming "Nothing - not discipline nor politics, scandal or heartache, is worth keeping me from Him who created me" face every day. From my friends who just had their 8th child getting ridiculed during delivery for having 'so many kids' by the very medical professionals hired to facilitate a healthy birth to the 80 year old woman who was told by a grocery clerk taking her food to her car that having a Rosary hanging from her rear view mirror 'proved' she was a 'pagan idol worshiper', Catholics are told to be quiet, to sit down, that their Church is horrible because of the actions of a few, that they are stupid and that they are not real Christians.
I am blessed. I live in a country where the people who do this sort of thing are recognized as having the right to do it but not the right to physically hurt me or prevent me from knowing Truth in the fullness in which it was meant to be known. In other parts of the world, people are murdered because they have the strength to say, "No, I will not leave Him, I will not leave His Sacraments, I will not leave His Magisterium, I will not leave His Church".
Persecutions of all Christians and Catholics in particular are on the rise in Southeast Asia, the Middle East and in Africa. The places where no one wanted to go and help those under the last of civil war, disease, starvation and brutality except Christians are now the most dangerous places for them to be living - and so, of course, they keep coming. Tiny little women in religious habits, men of true strength and character in clerical collars, the layity with only their malaria pills and their gentle hands prayers battle plague and despair while I get to sit at home and offer them only my love and my support.
I know that being a good steward for Christ means to properly use my time, my talent and my treasure only for the glory and the Kingdom of God. I also know that sometimes the best I can do is give the treasure of my time and talent, my prayers and my tears and pray that all those who see anger and mean spirited behavior as proper ways to change someone's opinion be healed by the Holy Spirit - and because God can work outside of time and space (afterall, those are His creations), I pray in the Name of Jesus Christ that people are healed of their spiritual wounds at the exact moment those wounds were created. Perhaps, if we each pray that for the other, we will no longer be at the acid-tongue mercy of a 62 year old man who was ridiculed by a bad parent when he was 6 years old. Maybe, if we each pray that for the other, a 53 year old woman abandoned by parents when she was 4 will not find it necessary to use humiliation as a communication tool.
Maybe, we might all find ourselves on the path to Truth - and be able, someday, to receive His Body and Blood together....united, as Jesus really wanted, in One Holy Universal and Apostolic Church.
In His Name, I pray.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own
Friday, August 29, 2008
10:06:16 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Friday's Rantings and The Near Occasion of Sin
I admit it - there are people in this world who simply get under my skin. Another one has shown up on The Hive. He is arrogant, self-serving, insulting to Catholics in general and me in particular. He goes under the name of Truthseeker, and he is anything BUT a seeker of truth.
There was an interesting discussion going on with one of the blogs (started by a devout Christian who left The Church but for whom I have very high hopes) about people who, if they disagree with a doctrine or dogma of Catholicism should go somewhere else rather than try and insist The Church change Her teachings. One of the posters asked me to explain the way Catholics view the Eucharist and I tried my best (go ahead, I dare you to try to explain a Divine Mystery).
His response to me?
"Let's call Bernie Ward and get his opinion".
Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with Mr. Ward - he is an ex-priest who married and had four or five children. He was a talk radio show host who billed himself as The Lion of the Left. He railed against pedophile priests (as anyone rightly should) declaring that the people in the pews should punish Church officials who behaved badly by withholding contributions. He was exceedingly rude to me when I was asked to do a 10 minute spiel on that subject about 5 years ago - so much so that I hung up on him. His producers called me back asking if the connection had been lost. I told them it had - on purpose, as Mr. Ward was being verbally abusive to me rather than engaging in a civilized discussion.
Today Mr Ward was sentenced to 7 years in the slammer, guilty of distributing child porn.
So, it appears to me that Truthseeker brought Mr Ward into the discussion as a means to embarass me and other Catholics.
I did not take the bait; rather I replied that Mr. Ward is hardly a great example of a scholar on Early Church History. I also posted that my heart goes out to him, as it does to the protestant minister featured in the movie "Jesus Camp' who railed against homosexual sex the entire time he was paying for male prostitutes and doing meth. Truthseeker then accused ME of taking swipes at protestants.
Anyway, this man is seriously angry. And I have been through this before so it is kind of silly but familiar. The trick is to keep an even tone, stick to topics no matter how much buck shot the stalker throws at youand then eventually they get tired that they cannot get a rise out of you or get you to respond in an angry fashion.
Still, just for the record, I would like to kick his butt.
We had a good night last night. I think we are going to have a good team on shift and graveyard swings. It was nice to be home by 10:30am rather than 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I have a three day holiday ahead of me. I get to go to a meeting tomorrow and then listen to a fifth step.
I have missed you all.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Well, we (that is, us Niner fans) knew today would be a tough game but three interceptions, two in the end zone? AAUUUGGHHH!!!! Oh well, no matter what...my Niners - right or wrong, dumb or smart,winning or losing. I guess I will take heart that they are losing to The Saints - if we have to lose to someone, let it be a team from a city with more Eucharistic Adoration Chapels per square foot than any other city in the United States.
I just finished going over Ryan's geography papers. He has developed into a pretty good college paper writer - the hardest thing for him to learn, I think, is not to 'write like you talk'. He has to be a bit more scholarly in his approach.
Yesterday I found out that Melissa, the bride-to-be, will be a real asset to our family. She is sweet, she is funny, she is pretty and she is smart. What a great combination. She is the oldest of SIX KIDS....so I am hoping that at some point I will get to be a Godmother again. Who knows? Maybe I won't be The Last Catholic Standing - a game show I would not particularly like to win.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Saturday, September 27, 2008
1:50:53 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
I loves me some Catholics Out Loud
O my God! Source of all mercy! I acknowledge Your sovereign power. While recalling the wasted years that are past, I believe that You, Lord, can in an instant turn this loss to gain. Miserable as I am, yet I firmly believe that You can do all things. Please restore to me the time lost, giving me Your grace, both now and in the future, that I may appear before You in "wedding garments." Amen.
Saint Teresa of Avila
*******************************************
By the way - I have decided.
I am going to vote for Lee Anne for President, Patty Patrick for VP and then I will volunteer to be the Secretary of Defense, and we will attack Berkeley first.
Ok, so I am in a silly mood. BUT I am so grateful to have people like Lee Anne and Patty and Christine and Faye and Sarah and DJ and blah blah blah in my life. It dawned on me this morning during prayers (and before my meeting) that I have to ask Stacey and Neil to be my medical directive people so I have someone who is really Catholic willing to stand between me and doctors who hear me cough and want to kill me.
I am going to a wedding shower this morning. I am wearing an outfit I bought on a wing and a prayer a month ago but could not button. I am wearing shoes with a heal and my toes do not hurt. I am wearing big girl jewelry and I have put on eye make up.
I am a grown up this morning.
Holy mackeral.....
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
10:03:27 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Discouraging Days in Politics
My past, O Lord, to your mercy; my present, to your love; my future, to your Providence!
St. Padre Pio
*****************************************************************
Ok, here's the thing.
I do not like the choices presented to me this year in regards to Presidential candidates.
I do not like Senator Obama's voting record on 'reproductive rights', especially in light of the newest report that states that abortion among WHITE women has fallen 33% but among women of COLOR it has risen.
This is playing right into the hands of the 'only certain people should have children' mindset of Planned Parenthood and other 'pro death' movements and I want to scream.
Only 2 generations ago, my family had been relegated to the group that should not have any more children and if a certain doctor in the Diablo Valley had had his way neither my mother, me, my brother or his three children would be here today.
I am not impressed with Sarah Palin because I think her religious philosophy is goofy, she left the EUCHARIST so she could find some place 'more Biblical' (huh?) and she was the mayor of a small town that charged women for the rape kits they used and now claims she did not know anything about it. That would be like the Mayor of Modesto (which is a bigger place) pretending he knew nothing about a meth lab in the basement of the police station.
Not that there is a meth lab in the basement of the police station but you know what I mean.
Senator McCain is a hothead who backs deregulation which has ruined our economy and should result in mass jailings and executions of all those thieves who ran good companies into the ground and walking away with 40 or 50 million dollars.
However, Senator McCain stands up for LIFE and believes in the protection of the human person from conception to natural death.
I have to vote. As a Catholic, I am required to participate in public life and to vote for the candidate most likely to add to the common good. As our Bishops have said (UCCSB), how can you trust a candidate to work for the common good when that candidate attacks life at its most vulnerable times - and would put more protections in place for the egg of a California Condor than the eggs of a woman?
So, what am I going to do?
Probably throw my vote away but be able to sleep at night. Probably throw my vote away but be able to worthily receive the Eucharist without a twinge. Probably throw my vote away but be able to stand before Jesus Christ and say, "I voted with my Guardian Angel standing next to me, Lord...because I did not want to disappoint YOU".
I think we need to start encouraging more good men and women to run for public office. And no, I am not one of them - with my background and past the hyenas would have a field day. Alcoholic? Abortions? Drug Use? Lives with her MOTHER?????
To even have to worry about this kind of stuff astonishes me. I cannot believe that people are fooled by the 'we are preserving a woman's right to her own body' argument after all these years. I also think it is sad that an obviously bright man with a good future has fallen for the same line of thinking.....forgetting that if his mother, an unwed woman pregnant with a Black man's baby in the 1960's had done what society had wanted her to do, he would not be here today. Forgetting the courage it took for her and her family to say, "I loved this man and I love this child and I don't care what the neighbors say I am having this baby".
Someone said to me last night, "What about the 75 thousand abortions that happened every year when it was illegal?". I asked her where she had gotten those figures and she said, "Someone told me". "Did you ask them how they were able to come up with figures on something supposedly done in secret, in back alleys, with coat hangers? Are you saying that 75 thousand women DIED every year from illegal abortions?". Well, no...she wasn't saying that, but here was a bright woman being educated at a University and it had never dawned on her to ask the person giving her the information where they had gotten it. I gave her several websites - a few non-Catholic so she can't call me a religious fanatic - and told her to call me anytime.
I have to start getting ready for work.
I love my country - but I am so disappointed.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Sunday, September 21, 2008
5:26:06 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
What a WEEK that WAS
I got through last week with its strange time schedules and CLEARS meeting...but apparently, my allergies have caused a slight sinus infection. Now, normally this would not mean much except for two thing: a) I have RA, which means I am on immune suppressing drugs and b) the slight sinus back up has caused me to have conjunctivitis in my left eye.
So, after Mass I was at Kaiser (had to get my appointment so it would not interfere with the two important parts of Sunday - Mass and Football) and I am off duty per the doctor for 24 hours. I left my message for V and called into the gang at work to tell them not to worry about me being there tonight. E does not have a working computer at home, apparently, but I am going to send an email to both her accounts anyway. Why?
Because it is the right thing to do.
The Niners are rewarding me for taking care of myself properly by being ahead 21 to 3 before the half.
I got to go to Mass celebrated by Father Larry today. I just love this guy - he is such a practical, grandfatherly type of priest. He is the Chaplain for all the hospitals which is probably why he is such a sweetheart. Anyone who can become my 87 year old mother's 'favorite' priest has to have a solid Catholic practicality about him. He understands what it is like to have to cut onions for 10 cents a bucket in order to earn money for school clothes and yet he also tells the story of his granfather saying to him, "Mijo, do you like this work?"
"Oh, it's ok, Poppy".
"Si? You want to do this for the rest of your life?"
"No, Poppy..I don't think so".
"Good, " he told the future-priest. "Remember, a book is lighter to carry than a bucket of onions".
I laughed. It is important to remember from where I came - from people who were willing to tie bandanas around their heads and chop onions or pick apricots in order to have shoes to wear to school. It is also important for me to remember that they were proud to work, but aware that there is a better way of life available to people willing to open a book and learn something.
I am also grateful for the Gospel message of today. The workers hired by the landowner at the end of the day got the same reward as those who started at the crack of dawn. It reminds me that though I got off the path for many years and was walking towards hell in the name of freedom, I can rejoice in being on the right path now. Oh, I still have to watch my step and I have to be very grateful to those who never waivered - they kept the home fires burning for me to be able to find my way Home - but I do not have to feel 'less than' those who have been doing this Catholic Thing without fail. Instead, I can be grateful that the 'Landowner' sees me as just as important as any of His other workers....that the gift of Faith He bestowed upon me is the same quality as that which He gave to the saints of my time. I do not have to think of myself as the stepchild...I am a fully adopted Child of Light. The Eucharist is for me, too.
And, like the grandfather told Father Larry, the burden I carry today is lighter....it is still something that has to be carried, but sin is the heaviest burden in the world - even if a person spends most of their time denying its weight, it still drags them down.
Thank you, to all those who held up the Light for me to see. Without you I would have never found my way home.
GO NINERS!!!!
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
9:27:40 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Fathers and Life
Sweet Lord, you are meek and merciful. Who would not give himself wholeheartedly to your service, if he began to taste even a little of your fatherly rule? - Saint Robert Bellarmine (1542-1621)
Last night, at RCIA, I taught on the Catholic doctrines of Justification and Merit. We have a HUGE class right now, and most of those in the class come to us from a Protestant or Evangelical background. It is refreshing to teach these people. They are hungry. They have the gift of Faith and they treasure it, guard it, nuture it. I have been able to teach much but learn more because they come in with eyes wide in anticipation - they have been taught well, but not in a complete way, and to see them start to just come alive with ideas and attitudes and, well....JOY.
I do not mean to imply that they were unhappy before - many of them are simply building on the joy that was theirs when they walked through the doors of St Joseph's. In fact, we have to remind them that The Church is perfect, Her members are not and to be wary of that 'pink cloud' many people early in substance abuse recovery experience. Everyone in their 12 Step program is wonderful - honest, hardworking, relying solely upon a Higher Power to get them through the day - and then the first time someone steals their wallet during a meeting they are crushed. If they have been given a strong foundation, they get angry, sad, laugh it off and stay sober and active. If their spiritual house has been built on sand, they go for a bottle.
The same holds true for Catholics. If someone new sticks only to Catholic Radio (Immaculate Heart Radio - 1230 on the AM dial!) or EWTN they will get the idea that we are all skipping merrily on the path to heaven; accepting our sufferings, confessing our sins and never wanting to stop our cars in the middle of the freeway, get out and yell "BUT WHAT ABOUT ME???" at the top of our lungs. Then the first time we run into a Kerry Kennedy, a Nancy Pelosi or that mean secretary down at the Parish Office, we want to chuck it all and run down the street to the Big Giant Grace Cathedral of The Wonderkids, embrace the health and wealth gospel and enjoy the better music.
I recently told Ryan ('my' eldest) that it was time for him to start developing a deeper prayer life. He wants to go into Law Enforcement so he has a wonderful Patron Saint to call upon - the Prince of the Heavenly Host himself; St Michael the Archangel. I reminded him that his father has done much to improve himself over the years; however, the bottom line is that he left his Catholic Faith and has been floundering morally ever since, unsure and defensive and convinced that if he just keeps trying harder he can 'do it' (whatever 'it' might be).
The love of a Father for a child is unique. For girls it gives us a compass to use for future relationships with me. For boys, that love can demonstrate to them true strength - the kind of strength that does not bend in times of stress and does not give into the prevailing fashion in an effort to be considered 'cool'. A real father does not mind being told, occasionally, that they are hated by their offspring, or that they are unfair or unfeeling or uncaring or 'un' -whatever, because they know that ultimately the fruits of holding fast to objective, moral Truth will come to fruition.
God's time is not my time. I know that I would love to see my brother fully reconciled with God before our mother leaves this earth. I also know that what I want is not always what is best for the world...and so, if God's plan is perfect then I must be willing to trust in Him.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Saturday, September 13, 2008
11:56:44 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
St Therese and St Cecilia - Tough Church Cookies
My patron saint is St Cecilia. I picked her when I was to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation because she is the patron saint of music. However, once you learn her story you realize she should be the patron saint of very tough cookies.
Tortured at the hands of the Romans, she hung on for 3 days after being struck a horrible blow to her neck. During that time, she willed her beautiful home to The Church, forgave her murderers, received the Eucharist for the last time and then 'died'. However, her body was discovered during excavations of the Catacombs outside Rome and it was, because of the volcanic rock and conditions of the soil, perfectly preserved. The evidence suggests that she was buried alive...because she managed to hold her fingers in a sign that would indicate her devotion to the Holy Trinity. A plaster cast was made of her body before it could deteriorate and that is now in The Church of St Cecilia, under the altar, located in Rome.
St Therese, the Little Flower, was no push over either. She believed that every act we do, no matter how small, could be a perfect offering for Jesus. She also wrote that, if Jesus asked her to, she would be willing to spend eternity in Hell if it meant souls would be saved.
I thought of these two gals today as I ran after 7 year old Jillian at the Parish Festival. My back hurt, my knee is giving me trouble (I think some scar tissue has pulled lose and man it is bugging me - first time since the replacement, so I really cannot complain), I am stuffed up and I am exhausted (again) from working the Festival dinner last night, speaking in Lodi this morning and hitting the Festival again this afternoon. The first time I got to just sit and be quiet was before Vigil Mass this evening. Accompanying me to the Mass was Jillian and the fish she had 'won' at one of the carnival booths. After she had used up approximately 15.00 worth of ping pong balls to try and win a 35 cent fish, she had burst into tears because she couldn't get the ball into the cup.....and the lady in the booth gave her a fish.
Jillian named the fish Dinkleman (no, I do not know why) and then asked Father to Bless her fish after Mass.
The thought came to me that I have powerful allies in these two wonderful saints - tough cookies, both of them. St Therese send me roses all the time through other people and St Cecilia always has my back. We ended the festival with a final ride on the ferris wheel - the sun was going down and a full moon was coming up....and it was beautiful. All the lights on the other rides were being turned on, the wonderful sounds of the Mexican Music was wafting over the grounds and Jillian and I sang "Take me out to the Ball Park" for no apparent reason other than we both knew the words.
It was so much fun today.
Thank you, St Cecilia for encouraging me to trust that I have the physical strength to do the things I want to do.
Thank you, St Therese, for the gift of noticing the little fun things in life.
Thank you, Jesus, for another perfect day.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own
Thursday, September 4, 2008
5:52:09 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Passing of a Legend
I received this today from my friend, Jeff, in Turlock:
With sorrow at his passing but filled with joy at having known this grand man, I regretfully report to you that Muir “Easy” Edney of Montgomery, Alabama, completed his journey of 95 years peacefully this morning and left for the Big Meeting.
For the past few years, Easy Edney was the longest sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Easy got sober Nov. 15, 1942, in Jacksonville FL , and then moved back to his home of Montgomery where he helped start AA there. He knew Bill Wilson. Easy was in remarkably good shape to the end. He still attended meetings and sponsored a number of men until the last. I last saw him in April at the Alabama/NW Florida Area Assembly, which he faithfully attended over the years. Less well known is that Edney got his nickname “Easy” from his hobby as a pool shark. Easy was one of the 20th Century's greatest pool players, who successfully competed (sober!) against such legends as Willie Mosconi and Minnesota Fats. One of the great rewards of AA has been the opportunity to know individuals such as Easy. We shall miss him.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Sunday, August 31, 2008
2:08:56 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
DUPED AGAIN!
Reading 1
Jer 20:7-9
You duped me, O LORD, and I let myself be duped;
you were too strong for me, and you triumphed.
All the day I am an object of laughter;
everyone mocks me.
Whenever I speak, I must cry out,
violence and outrage is my message;
the word of the LORD has brought me
derision and reproach all the day.
I say to myself, I will not mention him,
I will speak in his name no more.
But then it becomes like fire burning in my heart,
imprisoned in my bones;
I grow weary holding it in, I cannot endure it.
***********************************************
I know what Jeremiah felt like, all those years ago.
Once someone has made the committment to no longer slink in the shadows or be quiet out of a misguided sense of polite decorum, the Lord works in ways that are wonderous and tough to handle. Making the committment ten years ago to return to worshipping Christ as the first Christians did it was difficult on a well-educated, Liberal-minded, Conservative Anarchist from Berkeley. Shoot, I'll take living in a tree to keep a stadium from being built any day (not really - frankly, I hate camping). Making the committment to be a Catholic Out Loud was even tougher, because people can get a little ticked off at generic Christians but they get downright nasty and insulting when someone says, "I am Catholic. I am proud to be Catholic. I now have a different way of viewing myself, my body, my mind and my heart because everything is about one thing - The Eucharist".
Oh the horror of being 'one of those'!
However, whenever I feel as though I am unable to carry the burden any longer, something happens to lift the load. Every time I think it would simply be so much easier to get along with some of the snarkier people in my life by agreeing and hanging my head in shame over the sinful actions of less than 10% of over 1 billion Catholics WORLDWIDE, someone taps me on the shoulder out of the blue and says, "Thank you for doing what I do not have the courage to do".
Today's readings from the Liturgy exposes the very struggles Catholics have with standing up for The Eucharist and proclaiming "Nothing - not discipline nor politics, scandal or heartache, is worth keeping me from Him who created me" face every day. From my friends who just had their 8th child getting ridiculed during delivery for having 'so many kids' by the very medical professionals hired to facilitate a healthy birth to the 80 year old woman who was told by a grocery clerk taking her food to her car that having a Rosary hanging from her rear view mirror 'proved' she was a 'pagan idol worshiper', Catholics are told to be quiet, to sit down, that their Church is horrible because of the actions of a few, that they are stupid and that they are not real Christians.
I am blessed. I live in a country where the people who do this sort of thing are recognized as having the right to do it but not the right to physically hurt me or prevent me from knowing Truth in the fullness in which it was meant to be known. In other parts of the world, people are murdered because they have the strength to say, "No, I will not leave Him, I will not leave His Sacraments, I will not leave His Magisterium, I will not leave His Church".
Persecutions of all Christians and Catholics in particular are on the rise in Southeast Asia, the Middle East and in Africa. The places where no one wanted to go and help those under the last of civil war, disease, starvation and brutality except Christians are now the most dangerous places for them to be living - and so, of course, they keep coming. Tiny little women in religious habits, men of true strength and character in clerical collars, the layity with only their malaria pills and their gentle hands prayers battle plague and despair while I get to sit at home and offer them only my love and my support.
I know that being a good steward for Christ means to properly use my time, my talent and my treasure only for the glory and the Kingdom of God. I also know that sometimes the best I can do is give the treasure of my time and talent, my prayers and my tears and pray that all those who see anger and mean spirited behavior as proper ways to change someone's opinion be healed by the Holy Spirit - and because God can work outside of time and space (afterall, those are His creations), I pray in the Name of Jesus Christ that people are healed of their spiritual wounds at the exact moment those wounds were created. Perhaps, if we each pray that for the other, we will no longer be at the acid-tongue mercy of a 62 year old man who was ridiculed by a bad parent when he was 6 years old. Maybe, if we each pray that for the other, a 53 year old woman abandoned by parents when she was 4 will not find it necessary to use humiliation as a communication tool.
Maybe, we might all find ourselves on the path to Truth - and be able, someday, to receive His Body and Blood together....united, as Jesus really wanted, in One Holy Universal and Apostolic Church.
In His Name, I pray.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own
Friday, August 29, 2008
10:06:16 PM EDT Edit Entry Delete Entry
Friday's Rantings and The Near Occasion of Sin
I admit it - there are people in this world who simply get under my skin. Another one has shown up on The Hive. He is arrogant, self-serving, insulting to Catholics in general and me in particular. He goes under the name of Truthseeker, and he is anything BUT a seeker of truth.
There was an interesting discussion going on with one of the blogs (started by a devout Christian who left The Church but for whom I have very high hopes) about people who, if they disagree with a doctrine or dogma of Catholicism should go somewhere else rather than try and insist The Church change Her teachings. One of the posters asked me to explain the way Catholics view the Eucharist and I tried my best (go ahead, I dare you to try to explain a Divine Mystery).
His response to me?
"Let's call Bernie Ward and get his opinion".
Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with Mr. Ward - he is an ex-priest who married and had four or five children. He was a talk radio show host who billed himself as The Lion of the Left. He railed against pedophile priests (as anyone rightly should) declaring that the people in the pews should punish Church officials who behaved badly by withholding contributions. He was exceedingly rude to me when I was asked to do a 10 minute spiel on that subject about 5 years ago - so much so that I hung up on him. His producers called me back asking if the connection had been lost. I told them it had - on purpose, as Mr. Ward was being verbally abusive to me rather than engaging in a civilized discussion.
Today Mr Ward was sentenced to 7 years in the slammer, guilty of distributing child porn.
So, it appears to me that Truthseeker brought Mr Ward into the discussion as a means to embarass me and other Catholics.
I did not take the bait; rather I replied that Mr. Ward is hardly a great example of a scholar on Early Church History. I also posted that my heart goes out to him, as it does to the protestant minister featured in the movie "Jesus Camp' who railed against homosexual sex the entire time he was paying for male prostitutes and doing meth. Truthseeker then accused ME of taking swipes at protestants.
Anyway, this man is seriously angry. And I have been through this before so it is kind of silly but familiar. The trick is to keep an even tone, stick to topics no matter how much buck shot the stalker throws at youand then eventually they get tired that they cannot get a rise out of you or get you to respond in an angry fashion.
Still, just for the record, I would like to kick his butt.
We had a good night last night. I think we are going to have a good team on shift and graveyard swings. It was nice to be home by 10:30am rather than 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I have a three day holiday ahead of me. I get to go to a meeting tomorrow and then listen to a fifth step.
I have missed you all.
Written by lsk49rs Permalink | Blog about this entry | Add to del.icio.us | digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)